No rolling over, no giving up

On Thursday it will be exactly four weeks since surgery. I am so glad it is now, and not three weeks ago!! It has taken an inordinate amount of time for me to begin to feel better. Of course, I overdid the exercise, and the lifting, and the carrying...inactivity, when forced on me, drives me somewhat up the wall.

I have had a great opportunity since the beginning of May, when the diagnosis of breast cancer nearly sent me into a state of complete shock. Really, this was an opportunity-and you can see that I always try to make some sense out of terrible things that happen, even when they don't make sense! Optimistic pessimist, or pessimistic optimist? Who knows? Who cares? There are some things that don't make any sense at all, but we still need to accept them, and deal with them as gracefully as possible-and find something that brings us comfort. I still find that a challenge, even with all the adversity I've had to handle in my life. But I'm working on it!!

I've had more than one period of bursting into tears and wanting to quit since the beginning of May. I can tell you, based on conversations with other cancer patients, that this is a very natural reaction. After all, who really wants to die? I feel like I haven't even begun to live yet. Cancer has pushed me into reassessing my life.

I went to the Unitarian church yesterday; it was my first real day out (I don't count hospital visits. Those aren't days out!!). I received such a warm welcome-I was quite surprised. Several people told me that they were given a weekly report by the women who visited me in the hospital...and I have to say that knowing you aren't alone helps you heal. Whether you have friends, or family, or religious beliefs (or none of the above), support from other people is really important.

Did I tell you about Liz Macartney, the UKPIPS charity founder? I worked as a volunteer for the charity since last year. When I told her that I had breast cancer, she wrote that it's a bummer, and that she had a terrible headache, and she really overdid it. Obviously, her headache trumped my cancer!! LOL! She was not at all pleasant-and I never heard a word from her while I was in the hospital. My nurse said that Liz is so self-involved, she doesn't care about anyone but herself. I read about her headache, and I just laughed. Really, I just laughed. Then, not a peep out of her. Suddenly, I got a text from her last week: how are you? That was it: how are you? So I ignored it. I've decided that, if I want to be of any help to anyone, it won't be to someone like that!!

Now, I mention this because I had time-as I said-to reassess my life, and I decided to dump the dross, bin the dead wood, drop people from my address book-anyone who is very negative, or psychotic, or who moans all the time, is out. I moan, but I don't do it all the time. I've always used humor as a coping mechanism, and that is just part of my personality. So is having a little moan, but hibernating when things get really bad, because I feel that it is unfair to my friends to constantly complain (that is why I still have friends. I think!).

I said the other day that I heartily recommend celebrating the good things by doing or buying something you will always remember-like my red teapot of success and courage!! I also heartily recommend that anyone who has cancer-or any other disease or disorder or condition that adversely affects life-do a little reassessment meditation. There are some people we can't dump, even though we would love to do so!! But we can change the way we deal with them, and change our attitude toward them. Of course, we could strangle them, but that might be a little excessive! There are some fights that just aren't worth the toll they take on our health. And I've had more than a few of those, so believe me when I say I know this.

Watch funny movies. Eat lots of chocolate. And never underestimate the power of Kettle Chips!!