In a galaxy, far, far away...

Somewhere there are people with manners and intelligence that is measurable into double figures. Somewhere there are men with both balls and brains. But this is Britain-so somewhere isn't here, that's for sure. Did you know that people tried to put on the nativity (plays, films, television) but they couldn't do it?

They couldn't show the nativity because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Well, obviously.

I know that Christmas is stressful: people spending too much, the joy (yeah, right?) of shopping, what to eat, where to shop-and so on. Plus, people suddenly turn even more Neanderthal than usual when it comes to the sales. Just ask those who have been beaten to a pulp because someone else wanted the same item, and was willing to kill for it.

That is the downside of Christmas. And, although there are some pretty bad memories of Christmases past, I still find it a magical time of the year. Why? Who knows? Maybe after so many years I'm developing the British disease known as brain death.

I remember when I was a child (yes, I can remember back that far. They had invented the wheel by then), being driven around our neighborhood and looking at all the decorations outside the houses. Lights, beautifully done, trees decorated-one house had a Santa and his reindeer, the sleigh, the whole business, beautifully lit. When you're a child, all the lights and decorations are really impressive. You only become jaded when you grow up.

I can remember decorating the tree, and wanting to put the angel on top-but I was too short, so someone else had to do it. We even had tinsel fights: there was tinsel everywhere, even on the tree (eventually).

What I remember best was Christmas dinner. All the cousins sat in one little area while the adults got loaded on-well, anything alcoholic they could get their hands on. I had an uncle Artie, who was an alcoholic, and he would doze off mid-meal. That was the sign for all us kids to take stuffing balls, bread rolls, anything we could find-and hurl them at him. When the adults weren't looking, it was a food fight. It was great fun for us-but not so much fun for Artie.

We had our first snowfall in London this year. Sunday it came down in sheets, lasted for hours, and made it impossible to go out and do anything. I watched, because I love watching snow fall-it's the aftermath (black ice) that I don't like very much. So I sat and watched for awhile. It was beautiful-and then I watched some of the shows I taped months ago, promising myself that I would catch up eventually. Most of the time I tape stuff and then end up deleting it months later.

It's mostly clear now, although a lot of pavements are still very slippery. It's also -3 Celsius, which is-bloody cold. And I'm on my way to Tai Chi. Let's see how well I do after two days of doing nothing. Fingers crossed that I don't fall and break something...