Saturday 2 September 2023

Mickey, Minnie, and the whole bloody extended family

And here I was, congratulating myself on refusing to be grumpy. Grumpy: no, pants, yes. We all need our pants. 

This positive change of heart nearly worked, too-until I nearly had a seizure when I saw a mouse run across the kitchen floor. I think that I shouted "shit!". And I figured that if there was one, there must be an entire family. So I started spraying clove oil everywhere. Clove oil, or so my neighbor (a mouse veteran) tells me, will put off mice. They don't like the smell of clove oil, or peppermint oil...

I tried to put down clove oil everywhere; all I succeeded in doing was nearly asphyxiate myself in the process. The smell of clove oil permeated the flat. To be less PC, the whole place stank of clove oil. I even smelled of cloves. Some people moved aside as I was coming up the road. Perhaps that's the secret of getting people to avoid crashing into me as they're tapping away on their phones-or are simply completely unconscious. Clove oil. Come Christmas, I will be in hiding.

Well. This is what preoccupied me since I last wrote. The weather wasn't great: rain and more rain, cooler then hotter, and we're supposed to expect very hot weather all next week. My attempts to stay upright were very so-so. When the barometric pressure changes, when it rains, when it starts to get dark-all these weather changes seriously affect my attempts at something resembling balance. But-I didn't fall over. I call that progress.

I finally had to give up trying to be kind and get the mice to go plague someone else. I used clove oil. I then used peppermint oil: nicer, but then I smelled like a candy cane. So did the flat. I felt sick from all the smells, and the mice-the last time I looked, they were line dancing. So I called in the big guns: mouse poison pellets. Will they work? I bloody hope so. Otherwise I'll have to sleep in the park.

As for Mickey and Minnie-and the rest of their family-I said this morning as I put down more poison (the little gannets scoffed everything I put down last night), they have a choice: leave or die. If necessary, I'll have to call the mouse patrol (exterminators). 

I'm not grumpy, though. I'm too busy to avoid asphyxiation from clove oil... 





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