Ho Ho Ho and all that!

Well, hooray, Christmas is over - and I'm glad of that! For one thing, this is my second Christmas as a fully fledged cripple-at least to the NHS!!

Sometimes, when I suddenly fall over, or turn my head quickly and catch myself as I fall-I feel like a cripple, too. But I have recovered some balance and visual faculties, so I try to look positively at life. That's pretty difficult.

It was just before Christmas, several years ago (nine, to be exact), that I decided to finally file for a divorce. Life was unbearable, we were both unhappy-and I couldn't bring myself to say anything at Christmastime. So-we both had a lousy time, and in early January I dropped the bombshell. I couldn't even talk to him about counselling - it was a very nasty breakup, and I have been feeling horribly guilty ever since. Every Christmas just brings it all back. I think, after nine years, it is finally time to let that go and move forward. I wanted to do that last year-but, of course, gentamicin got in the way!!!!

One very good friend phoned me last Saturday-and I phoned the rest of my friends after that-I was lucky, I got most of them at home. I felt much better afterward, but I still am a bit down, even after nearly a week!! I keep saying that I must not be down for long, because my situation could be so much worse. It could be; that doesn't make me feel a whole lot better!!

I'm lucky that I have great friends, a small group of people who have stuck with me through thick and thin over the years--and a lot more thin than thick, so far!! They have encouraged me, supported me emotionally, had a go at me when I sat around feeling sorry for myself...I think that friends have helped me through this ordeal-and this ordeal is far from over.

I don't do facebook, or any social networking sites, because - how can you have over 1,000 friends??? REALLY???? I can count my loyal ones on one hand - and loyal they certainly are!!! The rest are just numbers-although I suppose I would get this blog out to a lot more people if I broadcast it. People surf. People look for anything interesting, don't they? Well, this is interesting to me, if to nobody else.

One of the biggest problems with being on a walking stick-a hospital walking stick, not the cute canes with all kinds of designs on them, but a real medical (ugly)job- is that I am a walking target. So I will tell you what happened to me two weeks ago (today).

I decided to go out at 6pm - just around the corner to a little shop where I could buy a pint of milk. I figured- I know I am not supposed to go out after dark, since my mechanism is gone and it is difficult enough for me to stay upright during the day, let alone at night!!! So out I went, thinking that if I don't think I can make it when I reach the corner, I will turn back.

The short version: I got attacked, almost outside my front door. It wasn't a man who attacked me, but an older woman (who outweighed me by at least 100 pounds). I had no chance to even fight back. She punched, kicked, bit me, took my phone (I was trying to call the police) and smashed it, then got into her car and tried to drive into me. Imagine that!! Do I still have faith in human nature and decency? What the heck-would you?

It's a police matter now, they got her, but I'm told that the CPS (Crime Prosecution Service, also known -to me-as the Criminal Protection Service) probably won't prosecute her because no witnesses came forward, and there is no CCTV where I live. Every other corner in London has enough video cameras to collapse the lampposts holding them, but not where I live. So I may be SOL when it comes to putting this psycho behind bars (where I think she belongs).

Now: what is it about human nature and decency?? The detective in charge of the case told me that I am a prime target, since I am obviously disabled (I do dislike that term, it does make me feel like a hopeless and helpless cripple!!). Wow...this is such a lovely place in which to live.

So-that is the latest news-for the time being, at least. I'll do more before the new year rolls in.

I thought I would be boring people with this-I thought I would be boring myself with this, let alone anyone else. Perhaps I am mistaken?

I wanted to just quit so many times, and this weekend will be 72 weeks...I never thought it would be like this for so long. I get discouraged, but I'm still here, and one thing I am NOT is remotely suicidal (I'm a devout coward). I just won't give up. One of my close friends calls me a warrior princess, and sent me a crown, which made me smile (a lot) and which hangs above my bed. People are rooting for me, and pushing me when I don't feel like pushing myself. It's amazing how much that helps!

Until next time...