Bisphosphonates, saggy bums, and droopy other bits

I haven't died-or been abducted, or been back in hospital, risking them killing me this time. But-when it takes this long to get back to my blog, you know that something has gone very wrong.

First things first: the last post-which, I understand, repeated about half a dozen times. Sorry! I was at the library, as usual-and the library computers are used by everyone. Apart from the fact that they take so much time to power up, you could eat a five course meal and do the washing up before you can get online, the school kids use them. They also eat while online-so there are always interesting materials on the keyboards: peanut butter, jam, bread crumbs, coke (the kind you drink, not the other kind-at least, not that I can see). There are other biologicals of unknown origin-and I mean, unknown-and very sticky. So the keys stick. And I always use Purell, the hand sanitizer of choice of the hospitals, afterward. I use so much Purell, I think the stock must have tripled!!

As difficult as it is to use my own laptop, I am doing that from now on-nobody needs to hear all the swearing when I hit the wrong key-at least, my computer is clean. And fast (ish). No more gooey gunge to scrape off!!

I was going to get on and fix the blog after the weekend-but I ended up doing the hospital rounds again, as I do every few months. The good people at the Royal London decided to give me an intravenous injection of something called "bisphosphonates" (try saying that quickly after a couple of glasses of wine!); these protect the bones against osteoporosis. This is what happens when you are born with CVID: you get all kinds of interesting illnesses, and really strange (and lethal) medications. I suspect that, since they failed to kill me with gentamicin (they came close), they figured they would give me the bis-whatsits. The side effects, according to the insert that comes in the box with the drug, says "feeling flu-ish, aching bones and joints". Huh.

I always read the inserts now. I want to know what to expect, even if it never happens. Of course, it would be a good idea to read the information before taking the drug. Did I? Of course not. So I spent the next three days in bed, in excruciating pain, having a terrible headache, chills, and feeling like my bones were going to explode. And that's what they call feeling "Flu-ish"!

By yesterday I was fed up with feeling sick, and I had to go to Covent Garden, to the Apple Store, to have my IPhone fixed. I was well enough to get there-and I couldn't believe how crowded it was. Another duh moment: Saturdays are shopping days. Ick. All kinds of people were crashing into me. Really, I should invest in shoulder and knee pads! Not a lovely look but at least I wouldn't be bruised.

In case you wondered, that is where the saggy bums come in. It has been really hot here, so people are no longer covering up. And some of them should do exactly that. They sag, they droop, and there are men walking around who have guts the size of bowling balls hanging over their belts. And they call us the fattest people in the West! I knew that would make you smile: the Brits are the fattest in Europe, and, per capita, they are at least as fat as we are. I had a good look around-as I was trying to stay upright, of course-and I can honestly say that when the Brits call us obese, the words "pot", "kettle" and "black" spring immediately to mind. That knowledge should make all Americans smile.

And I always end up sitting next to one of them-I'm surprised I still have two functioning legs!!

Now here's a question: why do men always check out the chest area whenever they look at a woman? They don't think we notice-but we do. Face first (occasionally) -then straight to the chest. But when we look at men, we look at the face, we don't immediately stare at the groin. That would be rude. We would call those people perverts.

There is food for thought until next time-which will be sooner, rather than later. I'm stopping before I throw this machine out the window. Besides-it's 80F, and both machine and I are frying.

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