Close encounters of the weird kind

I still haven't died. And-I haven't been bone idle, either. We've had a heat wave. It's been in the 80s-and up to 90+- in the last two weeks, and continues to be so hot I feel like someone has put me in a toaster while I wasn't looking.

I am not good with heat. If it goes above 68F I want to leave town. Or stand in a cold shower until it gets cooler. And my hair frizzes, I melt...well, you get the idea. Add to that the fact that my balance and vision go completely out the window-and it's no wonder I am grumpy and I don't see well enough to go online. But-this is England, and this heat will pass-and then everyone (me included) will be moaning about the cold and wet. I've been here too long; I seem to have contracted the British disease of constantly moaning about the weather!

The thing is, once we have something that looks like sunshine-and heat, too-everyone calls in sick, and people swarm to the parks and strip off to bake, fry, turn beet red...and people who should know better and never show any flesh show entirely too much. I was walking down the street, minding my own business, trying to stay out of everyone's way (as I do), and this huge woman came hurling toward me. I do mean huge: she was like a brick outhouse (over here they say something else, but I am being polite. For once). Cockney accent (which I understand, after all these years). Swearing like a trooper. Skinny top, no bra, and breasts like cow's udders. The very person who should never go braless-and there she was, swinging in the wind. If I hadn't swerved, she would have hit me with one of her breasts and probably knocked me through a glass window. Oh-and she had tattoos. Everywhere- at least, everywhere you could see. From wrists to shoulders, she was covered. I had to avert my eyes-but I really wanted to see what was printed all over her arms! Really-she was like a longshoreman with tits. And a newspaper vendor standing near me said-loudly-it's enough to put me off my tea!! I laughed so hard, I nearly fell over.

Did I mention she had some man with her? Tattoos. Big mouth. And-a gut that looked like he had swallowed a basketball. In fact, it looked like he had swallowed the whole team.  Actually, it would have been hilarious if it hadn't been so pathetic.

Tempers are very short here at the best of times. But in central London yesterday, fights were breaking out. Of course, that happens at every football match-but it was happening in the park, and in the street, and on the bus. I was glad to get home and close the door behind me. Let them all kill each other, but leave me out of it.

It is going to be hot like this for at least another week or so-and I will tell you, it's very difficult for me...but I just keep going, keep walking, even though I nearly fall over - and I keep sweating, which isn't a good look, trust me!!

I may be down, but I'm not out. I'm baking, but not done yet. It takes more than 90F to keep me from doing what I need to do. At least I don't have to suffer from cow's udders-that must be really painful, especially in high winds!!