Thanks for not killing me-better luck next time!

We had a power outage last night. All the lights in the area went out. Very exciting. And we had another one today-no phone, no internet, no nothing. Bummer.

So-this is later than I wanted. Sorry! I did get a chance to have a look at the Google Doodle-I love those, I always click to see the graphics, and to read any useful information on people I didn't know existed. Google is great that way.

Naturally, the Guardian had something to say about the doodle: it isn't Happy Holidays, they said, it is Happy Christmas. They said that most Americans don't like the Christmas bit, so we make good holiday wishes very politically correct. This is coming from a lowly rag (I would never call it a newspaper-that's an insult to the real papers!!) filled with revisionist, xenophobic, racist bullcrap. And that is just the staff!

So-excuse ME!!!! Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Happy Chanukah (late). Happy Anything and Everything I missed. And, most of all, Happy New Year!!! I think we can all agree to that one.

I decided that, in the interests of Christian forgiveness and all that, I would send holiday greetings to the three cripplers: Sofia Grigoriadou, Phillip (not very) Bright, and Hilary Longhurst. I would even resist the urge - strong as it may be- to ask how many more patients they've crippled up to now. Forgiveness...hmmmm...

BUT- I couldn't find a card that said "Season's Greetings, thanks for not killing me. Better luck next time!!" Someone really should start making cards that say what people think, not just polite ones.

I really should start doing greeting cards myself. For instance, one could say "Merry Christmas, you rat bastard, I want a divorce!". Or, another one could say "Happy Easter, you lying, miserable cheat. I hope she gave you a hideously painful flesh-eating disease and it falls off into your soup". Then there is "You are a boring, tedious cretin, who would have you anyway?"

And there is my personal favorite: "Thanks for the one night stand. Until I met you, I never knew an adult male could be so very, very tiny."  That fits a lot of people I used to know..( the tiny. Not the one night stand).

I'll bet there is a market somewhere for truth cards-especially the last one, which could be printed on an oversized postcard so everyone could see it.

Of course, I could always put these on YouTube. What do you think? I will have to sit down and think of more, of course. But that is a good start. All in the name of politically correct forgiveness, of course.

I had to call the police about my noisy, insane neighbour from Hell upstairs. He has been doing his business in my garden, and screaming threats at me. So two nice, young (they look so young these days. They don't even look old enough to shave, let alone arrest people). The baby police are going to look into it (meaning: do nothing until he attacks me, and then only do something if there are witnesses. Typical). So I said I am going to carry something noxious, just in case. One said, no, I would get into serious trouble. So I said I would carry a can of Raid bug spray. They were very clear about not doing anything like that. Of course, I did NOT tell them that the can of Raid would actually be a can of mace. I did ask if I could buy a taser and use that. After all, if it's good enough for the police, it's good enough for me.

The younger, baby-faced one said that if I have something in the house, naturally the police wouldn't want to see it-or know about it. What about a Stanley knife? I asked. I gave up after that-they were starting to become alarmed. I will keep my options open...

And-there is a glass of wine with my name on it. I've been waiting all day for a glass of wine. Yay. Merry Wednesday.

Oh-by the way-what do you get when you cross a Jack Russell terrier with a Shih Tzu?
A Jackshit, of course!
Now we all need some wine...