Monkey Pox

I seem to have recovered from my existential crisis-and I find myself going from the frying pan straight into the fire. When I moved into this property eight years ago (eight years. Oh my! Purgatory has lasted so long!), I was told that this was a small area for disabled people. Gentamicin disabled me; I naturally assumed that everyone else was physically disabled.

What? Hell, no!  More than a few of these people are completely bonkers. A few-okay, a lot- possibly never had marbles to lose. I sometimes feel like I'm qualified to be a special needs teacher. Or a psychologist. Or both.

My neighbor is called Lil. Her name is really Elizabeth, just like about 98% of the population (plus the guys, of course). And wherever I am, she sees me coming in, and going out. Just what I need: a geriatric female stalker. She always pounces to deliver bad news, most of which she gets by reading The Sun. It's a tabloid rag, read by most of the idiot population, and written (if you could call it that) by a bunch of functionally illiterate, pig ignorant, brain dead racist hacks. And the vast number of idiots who actually read it believe that everything printed in The Sun must be true. Think the UK's answer to the National Enquirer. Of course, Elvis, Michael Jackson and Marilyn Monroe are all really alive.

They're all together, line dancing in Venezuela (maybe I shouldn't say that. It might be tomorrow's headline).

Lil was shrieking recently over the Sun's article about-you guessed it:monkey pox. Highly contagious, it originated in Africa. Now wait for it:

Lil has the hots for two carers who work for one of her neighbors. They are half her age, m arried Iwith children, and both come from Africa. What if they've got it? What if they brought it with them? I tried so hard not to laugh. And failed. She was panicking so much, I've never seen her move so fast.

So I consulted the CNN news feed-yes, there is monkey pox in the UK, no, it's nothing to worry about, and I couldn't resist telling her to wear gloves and a mask when she's trying it on with them.

I told you: crazies! Monkey pox my little New York Presbyterian ass...

My new buzzword for bullshit: monkey pox.