From Hibernation into the Fires of Hell

Okay, I know that sounds really melodramatic. I'm just being a drama queen.
And before I succumb to CRS (can't remember shit, if you are new to this blog), let me wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!!

I'm celebrating, too. I have spent the last four months hiding. I usually journal every day-except when I don't, obviously. I have even left my blog for long periods at a time. And emails, texts, phone calls-I've avoided doing anything that wasn't absolutely necessary (like medical appointments).

I've called it hibernation, hiatus, sabbatical, holiday- everything but what it really was: depression. I missed holidays, birthdays (inclucing mine), Guy Fawkes Day ( what a shame that the poor guy failed when he tried to burn down Parliament. Too bad). I did only what I had to do, and then came back and just-sat. I sat. I wasn't low enough to self-harm, or even contemplate suicide, so don't anyone worry about that. I was just boringly gloomy. I didn't even clean  my kitchen-and everyone knows that, as soon as I'm pissed off, I'm cleaning. Ewww!

I thought a lot over the past couple of days, and enlisted the help of an old friend who has suffered from depression for years. And- now I understand what's been going on. For eight and a half years, it's been one thing after another, and then some.

Gentamicin nearly killed me; cancer came quickly after that; all the surgery, the treatment, three failed operations on the implants and all the complications-then this delightful year, with a severe concussion, the chest infection that left me in bed for nearly three months, and, of course, a few falls on my head.

Who wouldn't be depressed? I'm fighting my way through it, on my own, just as I've always done. I won't let it beat me. I've come this far, I won't give up now.

I have to say that I understand depression in a way that I never did before. In the past, things got me down- but not for this long. And there are so many people like my friend, who has been depressed for years.

I wish I had an answer. I'm thinking about it. Maybe I can help in some way. You all know how I love to ponder. Now I've got something important to ponder.

Meanwhile, there's turkey to ponder. Then there's Starbucks. When I start talking Starbucks, you know that I'm on the road to recovery. I just wish I had stock in the company...

Happy Thanksgiving. I can honestly say that I'll be back soon. I think I might have bored myself into recovery...