If I'd made any resolutions, I would have broken them already-and it's only the first week of January!
Vegan? No, turkey doesn't count. So that's that then. As for any kind of booze- I don't usually drink anyway. So that doesn't apply to me. I talk about alcohol-but I guess I'm one of those annoying people who really don't like the stuff.
Did you know that some people lack the enzyme-whatever enzyme that is-to metabolize alcohol? I didn't know that, either. My GP has been on at me for years to have one or two small glasses of wine (glasses. Not bottles) every evening, because it'll help me sleep-and because it's good for the heart. This is my GP. Maybe she's secretly a wino.
I actually learned this from a gastroenterologist some years ago; I said that I get seriously unwell after a couple of glasses of anything, I slur my words, I stumble (as if I'm not dizzy enough all the time anyway!). and I sound like I'm drunk-after two drinks. Am I a cheap date, or what? And he explained the enzyme that is lacking in a lot of people who have the same problem. I should be pleased; I'll never be an alcoholic. Kettle Chips, on the other hand...
I've spent an inordinate amount of time being angry-no, enraged-with the cripplers, the morons from where I used to live, the council because they clearly play favorites, and are racist, incompetent, prejudiced, discriminatory, and abusive. And there's nothing I can do about it.
I approached the Ombudsman-but they can only make suggestions to the Council, and that is where their power ends. I approached the local councillor, who has been great, has taken up my issues, but, in the end, can do precisely nothing. Haringey Council managers are a law unto themselves, and they behave (or misbehave) however they want, without the interference of anyone else. I've reached the end of the road.
I had the chance over the holidays-when everyone else seemed to be preoccupied with Christmas, and New Years, and strikes, and flu, and more variants that could be toxic-to actually sit in the park (in the cold, between the raindrops) to sit and meditate. I just decided that if I want to be happy, I need to let go of the past, and the things, people and events that no longer serve me. It's a good idea, and I'm taking it day by day. Sometimes I'm taking it minute by minute.
You've been with me for awhile, and you know the struggles I'm facing and the resistance I'm having when it comes to change. But I look in the mirror and I think: shit, where did all those grey hairs, the lines, the wrinkles, the sags and bags come from? If I want to accomplish anything of any value-even sharing my challenges with anyone else-I need to shift my little ass and get a move on. Little, by the way, is relative...
This week I have an abdominal ultrasound to see if there's anything there that shouldn't be there. It's coming up to ten years since the double mastectomy and all the cancer treatment. And I think that it took me ten years to appreciate all the things I have: like "life" being the most important one.
Ten years! Some people learn lessons more slowly than others. But we do learn. Eventually.
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