Life is difficult...that is the first line of a popular book of many years ago. The author made millions-and then dropped dead of cancer. So much for his life being difficult. Is there a point to this? Not really...it is just an observation - and has it ever been difficult!!
In these two weeks I decided that, technologically speaking, I must be the kiss of death. After I last posted, I went along to see the chest consultant, Lieske, at the chest hospital. She was surprisingly cordial-and I was very surprised. Maybe she got laid the night before, who knows? She certainly was cheerful! And I was weighed and found that I had put on nearly ten pounds since the whole GP/dietician "she is going to develop osteoporosis" thing. I asked Lieske if I could put that much weight on in one week-and she reminded me that I was taking the noxious ProCal Shots that were prescribed. Yuck.
Those were enough to make anybody really make an effort to increase carbs, fats, sugars-anything to avoid drinking stuff that came in two flavors: bad and worse. The banana has never seen a banana-and the strawberry-well, how nasty can it get? Really nasty is the answer. And-I am one of those unlucky people (most of us, probably) who can just look in the direction of food and gain weight. Honestly-I don't eat sugary stuff because I might just as well put it right on my hips. If they all thought I was much too thin, they weren't looking at my hips, that's for sure!
So-I sat outside in Outpatients, and after I endured being weighed, I leaned over to tie my shoelace-and my IPhone leapt out of my pocket and smashed on the concrete floor. Goodbye, touch screen. Did I ever swear!! Luckily nobody was sitting nearby. I could have cried. I jumped through hoops and risked life and limb to go to the Apple store in Covent Garden on a Saturday morning-now THAT is taking one's life in one's hands, even for an able-bodied person. I felt like a sardine in a tin of sardines-but I went, got my phone, was perfectly happy, and then-bang, wallop, touch screen smashed. So I rang the Orange customer service people and arranged for a replacement.
I was blessed with a lecture on dropping the phone and how it was going to cost me excess, even though I was paying an arm and two legs for insurance. So I complained. And-if you don't ask, you don't get. Remember that. Always make as big a fuss as you can. After I spent about ten minutes telling the person how I think Orange and T-Mobile totally suck, the charge was waived. And Orange and T-Mobile do suck. They merged, called themselves EE (Everything Everywhere), but the masts in my area have been down for five months, making it NN (Nothing Nowhere). So I got my way. Good for me, too.
When I decided to post about the delightful, underwhelming and unedifying week I had-my computer wouldn't work. It gave me the finger. It said that the hard disk had been corrupted. So that is why I said that I am-technologically speaking, of course-the kiss of death. First the phone, now the computer.Eeek.
I did everything. I unplugged. I switched off (and it didn't want to switch off). I did everything but kick the thing, and it still gave me the message that the drive was corrupted. Now I wanted to cry. I didn't -but I certainly wanted to, because I could see having to spend hundreds of pounds on a new laptop. I felt like throwing up. So I went through the week, did all the doctor and exercise stuff, and every time I walked past my laptop I looked at it mournfully, accusingly, balefully-I felt so morose, I cannot tell you. Not that it did any good - because it didn't.
Around the corner is a computer shop, and I went in to ask Jamal, the owner, what could be wrong. I could see him almost rubbing his hands at the thought of how much he could charge me (Jamal is not known for his honesty). He insisted that I bring the machine in, and that he would "only" charge me forty pounds to have a look-he charges sixty-five, but for me he would give me a discount. Sure. I said I would bring it in-I hope he isn't still waiting!!
So-yesterday I had to go back to Stanmore to see the consultant. And during the night (I'm an insomniac-I get the best ideas in the middle of the night), it suddenly occurred to me that I had a plug-in for the new wireless keyboard and wireless mouse. These allow me to see more easily, since my balance and vision have worsened markedly since the first operation in May-and I hadn't unplugged the widget (to use a technical term) from the USB port. Before I left for Stanmore, I unplugged the thing, sent a prayer to the gods of computers and technology-or whoever, or whatever-and wouldn't you know, the computer started and was absolutely fine. And I saved myself what would probably have turned out to be a fortune.
Obviously I am not the technological kiss of death I thought I was. In fact, that wasn't bad. Not at all. It only took me two weeks of muttering and staring disconsolately at the deceased (no longer) laptop to figure it out.
And I am now on a single crutch-yippee. Not only that, but I went for physiotherapy this morning, and I've been told I can return to the gym. I have to start with all the easy stuff (sure. Do I ever do anything the easy way? Not likely). But I can return to something that resembles a normal (ish) life.
And I bought an IPhone cover called a Ballistic cover-lots of rubber, so it should protect the phone even if I drop it out the window. Heh-chance will be a fine thing.
I went to Starbucks yesterday, before I had to go to Stanmore. A little celebratory cappuccino-and a man came up behind me and asked if he could get the door for me. This is England-I rather expected him to slam it on me-but he held it for me, I thanked him, he said I was welcome, and then went on his way. Miracles do happen-even though they happen rarely here.
I've said that it's easier finding hen's teeth than it is to find people who have manner, class, breeding-and intelligence. I've been in this country for so many years, I stand by that (just live here for awhile if you don't believe me. I've seen tailors' dummies with more life and brains than most of the people I encounter here). But- every once in a great while I meet someone who actually is different.
I have a feeling that one day I might even meet a male who has both a penis and a brain. Maybe.
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