The fat lady is warming up her pipes

They do say that "it ain't over until the fat lady sings". And she is getting ready-only a few more days until the end of the political comedy show. I can hardly wait.

In one corner we've got David "Call me Dave" Cameron, the incumbent idiot who has single-handedly brought about the death of the NHS-not to mention the economy itself, which is so far down the toilet all we need to do is flush another couple of times to find it down in the sewer.

Next corner: Ed Miliband, who refuses to -excuse the expression, I mean this figuratively-get in bed with the Scottish National Party to form a coalition government. Can't say I blame him, since this one has been such a dismal failure.

Then there is everyone else-and I just shake my head in (mock)despair. So many people actually believe Cameron when he stands there and clearly lies to everyone. Of course, this is Britain, and people will believe him-because they're idiots. So as long as I can get my little stash of immunoglobulin I don't care who is in power. I still maintain that a chimpanzee would do a better job. But what do I know? If I don't go and vote, who will notice??

I have been doing my due diligence this week: going to see consultants for my biannual poking and prodding. I'm told I'm fine for my age. I don't mind the "fine"- it's the "for my age" that annoys me. If you're older than 50 in this country, you might as well be dead. Nope-not there quite yet.

I will be so happy-and relieved-when this whole election business is over. The fat lady sings at the close of Thursday, the 7th of May, and then all the recriminations begin. I'll be watching all the programs I've saved - so that should keep me away from the news. Honestly, I'm so glad I'm not British. Oh, please. My IQ would drop by 150 points, I would develop a twitch and start to drool-and I would have the attention span of a flea. Where is the good in that?

Tonight I will be doing something I almost never do: I will be making myself a nice, big Mojito. Why? Oh, well, I figured out why I've been a little down for a few days: on the first of May two years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Three weeks later I had the surgery (I can still remember it-and hurt). So, technically, I am nearly a two year survivor of breast cancer.

I'm still here-amazingly enough. I got lucky nearly five years ago when doctors gave me gentamicin and nearly killed me. I got lucky two years ago when I just had that "feeling"-just a feeling, a hunch, and it turned out to be a very aggressive cancer-caught it just in time. So I'm pretty lucky.

I've still got a couple of lives left-about seven down, two to go. Perhaps I'll go into politics. On the other hand, perhaps I'll skip that bad idea and sit down with a bag of Kettle Chips (what else?) and a Mojito.

And I will leave all the brown stuff to the crooks. I think someone should skip providing the polling cards on Thursday and give out shovels and sick bags instead.