Attack of the Beast From the East

Good name for a bad movie title. But no, the Beast from the East is what people were calling the horrendous weather coming over from Siberia. As much as I make fun of the way the Brits handle (or don't, as the case may be)a millimetre of snow on the ground, or a leaf on a railroad track-last week was something else.

Snow was just dumped everywhere in the country. Scotland got hit the worst-but everyone felt the cold, the wet, the ice. I was snowed in for a few days last week-but I risked life and limb by going out on two occasions, just to the supermarket, which looked like there had been a bomb dropped on it. Shelves were empty. I also walked down the middle of the road to get there, figuring that I wasn't going to take my chances on the icy pavements. I slid a few times-but didn't fall over. Miracles do happen.

The Beast from the East...I'm still amazed that people are paid to make up these titles. Huh.

Now it's a week later, and we have - rain. What a shock that isn't! But the aftereffects are noticeable everywhere, with people in places in London who have no water (broken pipes), What a mess.

Now it's been five weeks since my rather spectacular catapulting myself into unconsciousness. The week before last, I went to the neurology hospital to see my vestibular specialist. It was supposed to be a routine visit-but I told him what happened, and he examined me thoroughly, and told me that I am very lucky that I didn't have worse damage. Then he suggested ---the chair.

The chair is on loan from somewhere in France, I think, The object is to strap the patient in (seriously), wire the poor unsuspecting fool up to a computer-and then turn the patient upside down. Yes, I did say " upside down". All the data is passed to the computer, and this is supposed to help normalize a problem known as BPPV-which I never had before, but happens when you fall and scramble your brain. Think scrambled eggs, and you're pretty close.

So I got strapped in, wired up-and then blindfolded. I asked whether I was going to be electrocuted-honestly, the thing was scary. And the two techs kept telling me to keep my eyes open. In the dark. I heard clanking, and banging, and thumping-then over I went, first on the left side, then on the right.I spent a long time upside down. They did ask me how I felt. I said: I'm upside down, how do you think I feel?"

So it's two weeks since the dreaded chair, and a week since everyone fought the beast-and I have to go once more to get another visit with the chair. My head is better than it was five weeks ago, and thank goodness that it's five weeks later. But I still have extra vertigo, and another go with the chair should fix that. Allegedly. As long as they don't drop me on my head.

Okay, so I know that I had a very lucky escape, and that'll teach me that not everybody loves a smart ass. I shouldn't have done the class. And I have been kicked out of Tai Chi. I saved that for last.

Matt, the instructor, told me not to come back until he could speak to my consultant and discuss whether or not I can do the exercises. He has no medical training, what the hell!

I said no-he has no right to that information.So that was the end of Tai Chi. But I can find classes elsewhere, so that's what I'll be doing. For now, I'm just going to-Starbucks, where else??