TGIO (Thank Goodness It's Over!!)

I had a good week-but that was two weeks ago. I saw Jersey Boys, did the infusions, saw Captain America Civil War (I'm such a big kid: I love special effects and stunts. They were great), and I went to McDonald's for the first time in-it must be four or five years.

Oh, my...I ordered a buffalo chicken sandwich. All that salt. All that saturated fat. I just looked at the tray and I could feel my arteries harden. But-it was delicious. Of course, I paid for it for a few days afterward: bloat, and the ever-present knowledge that I smelled like a rat crawled up my ass and died. Would I have another one? Of course-just not for a long while.

I also sold my car on the Friday. That made me sad for the entire weekend-a bank holiday weekend, so I got to be sad for three days instead of two. Did I do the right thing? Why do I need a car when I live in the middle of London and don't need the expense or the aggravation? And so on. But I also realized-somewhere around Monday night-that the car represented freedom. I had the Fiat for eleven years-it was a great little car, but I couldn't drive it after the gentamicin fiasco-I kept it anyway. One of my goals was to be able to drive. Another one, of course, was to be able to walk.

Last Monday I met a friend for breakfast-and she was even more depressed than I was, so I just decided to pull my head out of my backside and listen, and see if I could help. Just my listening seemed to do the trick, and I forgot about my own issues for a little while. Then on Tuesday I had physiotherapy, and that went surprisingly well. I say "surprisingly" because it was raining, and cold, and I don't do well in the cold and wet. But I managed-without falling over. I'm still improving, even though it is now six years since the disaster. I'm even beginning to be able to let it go-quite a feat for me.

I went to the dealership-in the rain-again- on Wednesday morning to pick up my new car. I was a little nervous about driving it back, but I did fine. Didn't hit anyone - or anything. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to drive it again for a week-because I started the prep for the colonoscopy on Thursday. What an experience-one that I happily don't have to repeat for another year. They give you this noxious stuff called Klean Prep. Most people find that with four sachets they get pretty cleaned out, and quickly. Nobody can see anything during a colonoscopy unless the colon is clear. For me, they gave me ten sachets of the stuff. I'm almost famous at the endoscopy unit because nobody can believe I need ten sachets of what I call liquid drain cleaner.

So, from Thursday (last week) to Wednesday (just gone) all I did was take Klean Prep. I couldn't even have anything to eat except white pasta and grilled chicken (they said boiled. No chance.). I have to tell you that a week of that gets really old very quickly.

And now it's over. What an ordeal. I might just as well have moved the television into the bathroom. I spent a lot of time there...and-my favorite proctologist (also my only proctologist), Sean, did the honors. I did make the same old jokes, but his registrar hadn't heard them before, so that was okay. As the registrar was preparing the sedation, the cannula, and everything else, Sean and I were discussing the merits of his moving the family to an area I knew well (I used to live there). That part was good, but the hosepipe up the rectum wasn't. I had to keep moving on the table while the reg was looking at the screen, and it didn't help at all when he kept saying "wow, look at that!", and "you really are a complicated case". Oh, joy...but by 6:30 that night I was back, and I don't remember the last time I was so happy to come into my little shoebox and shut the door behind me.

But-yesterday I had to go to the other hospital for my infusions, and I can tell you that I felt like I wanted to collapse in a heap. The nurses told me not to drive for 24 hours after the procedure (as if I could. I could barely walk), and I should be very careful, don't sign any paperwork, etc, etc. And here I was, going to another hospital the next day. So when I got back yesterday afternoon I collapsed in another heap. And stayed there. And I got into the car this morning and drove to the supermarket, since my cupboard has been pretty bare for a week.

I loved it. I'm really happy with the car. It's great. I can only do short distances for awhile, but I still have that goal in mind: to be able to drive more often-and to be able to walk without the crutch. I'll do it, no matter how long it takes me. If I don't quite get to where I want to be by the end of this year, at least I can say I gave it my best shot. And I still won't give up. I'm just ornery, I guess.

Plus, I've already been told (by Sean and the registrar) that next year I will have to take 13 sachets of Klean Prep. I'm already squeezing my knees together in anticipation. And heading for the Kettle Chips. And maybe McDonald's.