Que pasa, plonker?

Okay, still practicing my Spanish-now I wish I had moved to Spain for a year or two and learned the language-actually, when I was a teenager, I remember one of my father's patients coming into the office and declaring that she was moving to Puerto Rico to work in a hotel. She spoke no Spanish; she didn't speak very good English, either (she was Russian). I thought how brave of her!!!

Don't you know she came back for a visit a year later, came in for a checkup, and looked fantastic! I was there at the time, taking over for my father's nurse (out sick)-and Alice spoke fluent Spanish. I certainly made a big mistake!! I could have been bilingual. Plonker? Hmmmmm, not really. I went off to university instead - and my life has been pretty good! (I still wish I'd learned a second language!)

I've seen nearly everyone, jet lag or no jet lag. I went to the mall on Friday-and I went on my own-and took the afternoon to seek out some things I need that I can't find over in the UK. I didn't find everything I wanted, but I still have time!

I hung out with my friend Diane on Saturday, and we went to this store-you would not believe this store!! It is huge - bigger than the superstores in the UK, and they don't sell clothing, or toasters, or anything like that. They sell food. And the food is incredibly fresh-rows and rows of fruit, and vegetables, whole aisles devoted to olive oils - olive oils!!! I didn't know there were so many olive oils. There was even an entire section devoted to pickles. So I bought a few half sour pickles - they don't exist over in the UK. Amazing!! I have now satisfied my pickle needs...And I've been having a bagel (a real bagel, not the disgusting garbage the Brits serve up and call a bagel) for breakfast every morning. So I've satisfied my bagel needs, too!!

I'm waiting for Diane to collect me so we can go and explore a store called BJs-it's like Costco (which is now in the UK). I like going through those places, even though I probably won't buy anything.

There is so much more to tell-and I'll get back online later.

Hola, cupcakes!

I'm still very jet lagged - presumably I'll be back in the same NY time zone by-Christmas. Which year, I have no idea!!

I arrived on Thursday afternoon. The flight was fine, and I got to JFK only to find that the baggage handlers had lost my luggage. So - it took someone two hours to scour the airport to find it. Whew-I thought I was doomed to wear the same clothes for a couple of days - and the airline would have to pay for a new wardrobe!!

That was the worst part of my trip over here - except, of course, for the horrendous jet lag. I've been awake at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night- every night!!

I arrived to find that everyone (or, nearly everyone, it seemed) spoke Spanish. When did people stop speaking English? It was very frustrating for me. I took four years of Spanish in high school, and when I went off to university, I forgot everything I'd learned. The teacher at that time made a good point: if you want to learn a foreign language, go to that country and learn from the people, not from a book. Who speaks textbook Spanish in the real world? Or any language, for that matter!!

I can get as far as: hola, prat. Or, que pasa, wanker? Of course, I can't say that to anyone from the UK, or anyone who has visited the UK - not a good idea, that's for sure!! I do, however, recommend that if you want to use those two expressions (two of my favorites, by the way), say them in some language that nobody will understand - like, maybe, Klingon.

Always swear at someone with a smile - then run.

Things are going well - except that my balance has been completely kaput since Thursday. I was warned this would happen: my GP and Dr Dimples both told me to expect that all my symptoms would be intensified, but that this would pass after a few days. So I am staying well away from traffic!! And-people seem to avoid me. I think they probably think I'm either drunk or on drugs!!

Perhaps I should look at that as a bonus!

When I left Heathrow, it was foggy and damp and dreary - the usual!! After the lost luggage panic, and when I'd recovered a bit, I went out of the airport to see my friend waiting for me. And it was beautifully cool and sunny - it's been beautifully cool and sunny ever since.

I'm in New York. And New York greeted me with a smile. What else can anyone ask for?

Hasta la vista, baby!

It is just about time to leave - I would be lying if I said I'm not nervous. In fact, I am apprehensive to the point of terror...I don't know why, but I suspect it is due to the fact that I haven't been anywhere in three years. I was due to go to the US two years ago-but we all know how well that worked out!!

I'm packing. Frantically packing. I finally made lists last night: what to take, what to buy, what I need to do before I leave...and I'm still scared. I can't help thinking I will forget something crucial, and I'll get to the airport and won't be able to leave. Silly, eh?

I'm not worried about flying - I'm worried about landing. It's the landing that'll kill you!

I'm just joking. Really! My worry is that I will get to Heathrow and security will jump me because of needles, syringes and a nebulizer they have never seen before - and I'm afraid they'll cart me off to prison, or somewhere, and start ripping everything apart because they think I might be carrying a bomb. Eeeek-they will see medication and read my consultant's letter-so they should (in theory) let it go, and start looking for real terrorists! Who knows, though?

I will write from New York. I always have jet lag in both directions, so I will probably be awake all night for a couple of nights-I will certainly be awake very, very early!! And the hotel has a fitness center-so I will be able to work out and do my exercises.

Do I have the discipline and motivation to work out while I'm on holiday? I have to; my balance will be completely gone, this I already have been told by Dr Dimples, my lovely (but, sadly, married, so no longer attractive!) neurologist. So I need to do some compensation work very quickly, so I don't suddenly topple over in front of a moving bus.

I will be very careful while I'm there-I'm thinking about the medical bills if anything should happen (and that, believe me, makes me shudder just to think about it). I'm also thinking about all the food! Oh, yum!! My friend Diane works on Fridays, so (jet lag notwithstanding) I will be headed for Zabar's Deli on the upper East side. And Barnes & Noble, the best bookstore in the world. When I'm not seeing my friends - or working out, or stuffing my face - I can be found at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, or the MOMA, or the Guggenheim.

I'll have a great time once I stop myself from being so needlessly fearful. I'll see my friends. I'll go to museums. I'll hit the bookstores. And - I'll eat! I might need two seats on the plane back to Blighty-but who cares!!

We all only live once, so - hasta la vista, baby!!

Road Trip

I've got a couple of days left before I leave for New York-and so much to do!! I wanted to start preparing last week - but, hey, I'm the world's biggest procrastinator.

I've been finding it really difficult; we've had a lot of rain in the last week-of course, this is England, after all!! I normally don't mind rain (as long as I'm not caught without an umbrella when I need to be somewhere), but my balance is badly affected.Still, it isn't as bad as it was last year.

I'm quite amazed that I am doing this: going abroad, when I don't really know how my body will react to air travel (not to mention airline food!!). My friend is staying at my place while I'm gone (a little holiday of her own), so she gets to hear the neighbor from Hell - that will be interesting. It really isn't that gripping.

I've already rung the airline to tell them about taking all my meds and my nebulizer, needles and syringes onboard. They did say I should only carry what I need to nebulize on the plane-but I said that I need to carry everything, just in case my suitcase ends up in Brazil and I'm in New York, in deep doodoo without my drugs. That didn't go down too well, but we will see what happens when I get to the airport. They did tell me to arrive three hours before my flight-because going through security is very, very slow.

Personally, it's a pain, but I would rather security be tight (and slow) than sit on a plane that decides to explode halfway there!!

I remember flying back from New York to Heathrow many years ago. I sat in a window seat, and there was a woman sitting next to me who was gripping the armrests so hard, her knuckles went white-so did her face. I asked her if she was okay...and she said she is terrified of flying, but her daughter just had a baby, so she wanted to see her family. I remember asking her not to throw up if at all possible-because that would make me throw up, and we would probably have an epidemic of puking.

So, we took off from JFK, and we weren't in the air for more than twenty minutes when there was a loud bang. I looked out the window-I sat just behind the engines-and I could see smoke everywhere-and flames-the engine was on fire.

I did say many times that I am not exactly tactful-so I won't have a shot at joining the diplomatic service, that's for sure!!- so I called the stewardess over and said "oh, look, the engine is on fire" - very coolly, as if I was requesting a glass of water - but I was loud enough to give my seatmate a case of the vapors. She looked, turned even whiter, jumped out of her seat and ran back to the toilets, and that was the last I ever saw of her. Meanwhile, the stewardess turned white, and there was a plague of white-faced people who looked like they wanted to cry. All I said was, "well, don't worry, all we can do is crash, nothing we can do about it. Anyway, it isn't the take-off, it's the landing that'll kill you".

I was a lot younger then...and I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine. I'm still okay about flying; I just don't like the tedium of eight hours in the air, hearing screaming children and inhaling other people's stale farts. Charming...!!

I wish it could be like Star Trek: just beam me up in London, and beam me down in New York!!

National Rumination Week

I spend so much time ruminating, I thought it would be a great idea to have a National Rumination Week. That way, we could postpone ruminating for the rest of the year, and spend one entire week ruminating, pondering, wallowing, or whatever...and the rest of the year, we could spend just enjoying life.

It sounds like a good idea, anyway...at least, to me! And I usually spend the last three months of every year looking back at all the things I wanted to do-and didn't-so this could save me a great deal of time (never mind all the angst). And this year has been no exception-and it is only the beginning of October!!!

I'm distracting myself (somewhat) by planning my trip to New York. I've surprised myself by starting to make lists of everything I need to take with me, and everything I want to buy when I'm over there-and taking all the numbers of all the people I want to call and putting them somewhere safe. Usually, when I put something somewhere "safe" I find it several years later!! But this year, I have been really good. So far. Next week I will be freaking out, even though I am going to be ready to leave in plenty of time.~Whew-I think I will need a holiday after my holiday!!

I've got a week to go, and I'm excited, although I'm a bit concerned about my balance (or, lack of it). I'm taking all my medication with me on the plane (complete with a doctor's letter, so my nebulizer won't be seized and smashed to see if it explodes), so that should be okay. But-I haven't gone anywhere in so long, I don't know how I will deal with eight hours on a plane: no balance system, and eight hours on a plane.

I've decided not to worry about it. The worst that can happen is that I stand up and fall over. And-that's certainly one way to meet people!!!!

I called my friend NJ last night, even though I'm seeing her in a couple of weeks. We had a good laugh about the fact that I am also going to take a surgical mask with me for the duration of the flight. Who knows how many sick people there will be on the plane? Besides that, I don't want to really spend eight hours inhaling other people's stale farts. No thank you!!

NJ is right: I have been more than a little bit negative for a very, very long time, and it's time for an attitude adjustment. I have been working on it - you could say that I'm a work in progress. And-I'm getting very good with my stick, so if anyone really bugs me, I've got very good aim!!!!

Making this public

I have been thinking about ways to make this blog more widely known. I thought about putting it on Facebook, or Twitter - I will need to talk with some of my friends who would know more about that. Of course, then I would have to hide. And move!!

Perhaps I will wear dark glasses. And a mask.

Fairness? Justice? Certainty? On which planet?

I've thought a lot about the fairness of life - and about justice, certainty, fair play. I used to believe that things worked out in the end, that justice would be served, that if you worked very hard, and played fair, there would be a certainty in life. Well, the past two years made me realize how very naive I was to buy that stuff.

I met Julia for lunch on Saturday, and I was surprised: she behaved herself-although there was nobody around for her to jump!! Actually, it was a pleasant couple of hours, and I sat in the part when we went our separate ways; the weather behaved itself, and it was quite lovely. So I took advantage of that, and sat, and ruminated. I'm an expert at rumination, I think!

I wondered if I am still bitter, angry, filled with hatred for the people whose incompetence wrecked my life. I pondered that as I sat on a bench in the sunshine and watched runners passing by, knowing that I will never be able to do that again. The thought crossed my mind that I never did that before, so why would I really care? That thought made me smile, and I pondered the past two years and thought about all the things I learned - about myself, about the world, and, mostly, about other people.

I've decided that, if all the Eastern teachings are correct (not to mention the old New York saying that what goes around, comes around), justice is always served-in one way or another. Nobody gets off scot free, although it seems like it at the time (and how very frustrating that is!!!).

And fairness? People kill other people all the time. People abuse each other - not because they need to, but because they can. People abuse and kill innocent animals. Fairness? The jury is out on that one.

Of course, I have to have a good look at myself - and, if what goes around comes around, I wonder what I did to warrant being in this position. I don't know-but what I do know is, whatever the transgression, I have paid for it several times over. So I have to stop looking back and trying to figure it out, and let it go and move forward. That is, of course, easier said than done!!

Life is, by its' very nature, uncertain. Nobody knows what is going to happen, where we will be, how long we will live, whether a bomb will wipe us out tomorrow, or even where we will be or what we will be doing. We make plans, we make assumptions, we think we know exactly where we are going (some of us do, anyway), and then we are thrown completely off course when something unexpected happens. Our neat little existence is turned inside out and upside down.

I was skipping merrily along, having plotted my life's course, and now I'm unable to skip. In fact, I walk and fall over!! So much for skipping!!

I always start to evaluate the year during the last quarter, starting in October; I think back, and ask myself what I could have (and should have) done, what I've accomplished, what I've done well, what I haven't done so well. And I have been more than a bit down since my hour of sitting in the park, because I thought I have accomplished nothing. The truth is that I have accomplished a great deal.

I've survived - over the past two years, I have survived. As long as I keep my eyes on the goal, and keep working hard, and as long as I refuse to give up, quit, walk away-and as long as I realize that I need to develop patience (for me, that is one hell of an achievement in itself!!!), pick myself up when I get depressed (or fall over), I will get that 80% back, no matter how long it takes.

If people look at me and can't see past the walking stick, the wobbly movements, the visual difficulties (not nearly as bad as they were), then they aren't worth my time.