Who hung the monkey? A true story!

I sat in Starbucks yesterday, having my usual flat white and contemplating life (as you do), when two older ladies sat near me, trying to figure out how to get to the West End from North London. They had northern accents, so I figured they were in town for the day (it turned out that I was right).

They finally turned to me to ask directions (which I provided), and then asked me if I have a Canadian accent. I get this often; people ask if I am American or Canadian, and if I'm on holiday. After a while, it gets really tedious - especially since I have been here for more than half my life. That is a very long holiday!!

Now-if I say I'm from Vancouver, I will be informed (usually very smugly) that the person thought so; if I say I'm from San Francisco, or Chicago (most of the people don't even know where Chicago is-one person asked if that's in New York. And the Brits make fun of us because they say that we don't know anything about geography!!), or New York, I will be told that it's obvious, because I have an accent from wherever I say I come from. Obviously, they haven't got a clue, but they just don't want to seem like they are one of the ones who have an IQ of 80-or, in so many cases, less than that. The average IQ is 80-I'm happy to say that my friends are considerably more intelligent, which is a good thing, since I have never been able to relate to anyone who has the intelligence of a cannoli.

Both women said they are from Hartlepool; I said I've heard of it, and tried not to laugh. I coughed instead. And when they left, I thought about all that I know about Hartlepool. You know, if you follow my blog, that there is always a story in there somewhere! This is one I really want to share with you - especially if you happen to come across a British tourist who is arrogant, imperious, condescending (many are, but not all)-you can tell them to get stuffed, because we aren't monkey hangers, and they clearly are! Ask who is the idiot, then walk away. Better still, run.

I remember years ago, being told this true story by my ex-husband, who is from the northeast-where everyone knows this story, since it is taught in schools everywhere, and is the subject of much laughter and merriment by northerners-and, of course, the French (obviously).

During the war of 1812, when the British and the French were fighting each other (they have been fighting for centuries. They are still fighting. The French love to insult the British in French-the Brits don't understand, but insults in French can sound like compliments, if offered with a smile), the citizens of Hartlepool (pronounced HEART-lee-pool, if anyone should ask you) discovered a monkey wandering around. They'd never seen a monkey; they'd never seen a Frenchman. So they decided that the monkey was a French spy. They dressed it in clothes they thought Frenchmen would wear (I wish I'd been there-what a Kodak moment that must have been!!), took it to the town square, took a rope, and hung the monkey. Not content to do this once, at a much later date, they did it again, to another poor, unsuspecting monkey! Obviously the monkeys had much more intelligence than the people of Hartlepool, who clearly had the intellect of a doorknob. Someone else got the 80, that's for certain!!

I heard this story and immediately wanted to go and investigate Hartlepool-and go on a pub crawl to every Hartlepool pub and stand up and demand to know who hung the monkey. I was being facetious, of course, but I was told in all seriousness that anyone who was fool enough to do that would be severely beaten, and many pub riots in Hartlepool have been started by outsiders coming into the town to see what would happen if they had the temerity to ask that question!

Fast forward nearly 200 years to 2002. The football team's mascot was - guess which animal? Hint: if you guessed the monkey, you're right. If you didn't, you must be from one of the areas in the county of Essex where the people have an IQ that barely moves into single figures (no, I won't tell you where in Essex!!).
The other teams called the Hartlepool team "monkey hangers". Very funny-unless you're from Hartlepool, of course!

In 2002, the man who dressed in the monkey suit and played the team mascot put on his monkey suit, called himself "H'angus the monkey", and ran for mayor of Hartlepool, promising (this was his platform) free bananas for all schoolchildren.

He won. By a landslide.