And another thing I've learned

I thought about what I've learned so far. I don't just mean that, at the worst possible second, I suddenly develop a cold sore that looks like I've got some dreadful disease!!

My friend NJ said once that bad things happen to good people. I think that's true, even though all the trendy books say that we generate the energy to pull things to us - blah, blah, blah. Those are clearly written by people who have never had any traumatic experiences in their lives-and they get very rich after writing such stuff.

Whatever! It stops being so important to place blame, and to be angry about who did what to whom, when, why, etc. I think it's more important to take risks-and that's what I've been doing. I hemorrhaged my savings (because I'm not able to work yet, so that's how I support myself) to get here; it's very important and very special, after the two years I've had just surviving and not living.

I can now honestly say that my epitaph should read "she lived". Oh, and don't write that yet, because I plan on being around for a long, long time!!!

On my way to JFK in an hour-so ciao!!!

Onward, upward, and skyward!

I'm packing. Again. I'm taking my very overstuffed suitcase, my cauliflower mouth (honestly, if I can see it, everyone can see it. I look like something out of  The Walking Dead), my walking stick (a good weapon, that-and legal, too), and I'm headed for Orlando for the weekend.

The weather here has been great - and I'm in for very hot and sticky weather in Florida. I don't do hot and sticky; I'm most definitely a hot-weather person. But I get to see my good friend NJ, and this trip home is really more about seeing the people who are most important in my life than it is about shopping (or sweating, for that matter!).

I've done really well in the week since I arrived. You see, it's true that you can do just about anything if you really push yourself. Now we'll see how I do in Florida. So I will be back on Monday, and give an update. I'll be several pounds heavier, too!!

A learning experience if there ever was one!

Like I said, everyone (almost) has come to visit. I'm so glad! I realize how much I miss home and my friends. You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. And my friends have helped me through the past two years, I can tell you that!!

I emailed someone I knew (I'll just use his initial:T) to let him know I'm in New York until Thursday. We used to be members of the same committees years ago; I didn't know that he fancied me then (he told me later on, and when I asked why he'd never mentioned it, he said he thought I knew. Duh! How did I miss that??). We decided to meet for lunch on Monday (just gone).

Well, I woke up on Monday morning with something I've never had before: a cold sore! I could not believe it: my mouth hurt during the night, and -because I've never had a cold sore before-I just thought my lips were very chapped. I looked in the mirror,and I wanted to cry. There was this lump on my lip-and, to me, it looked like I was about to sprout a cauliflower. It looked horrible. Here I was, meeting a man I'd fancied (and who had fancied me), and I had a bloody cold sore!! Eeeek!!

So I walked to the pharmacy (only about 1.5 miles, and I like the walk, since I couldn't do even 20 feet for the first 18 months), showed the pharmacist, and she confirmed that it was, indeed, a cold sore. I bought some medicine, but she told me the thing wouldn't be healed for 3-5 days. Oh,my
God!! I just looked at her: wasn't there something to work in, say, three hours? Nope. Tough luck. I had a fat lip, and it was going to stay that way for a few days.

Well, here is the short(ish) version. T arrived a bit earlier than I thought, which was good. He gave me a hug. Also good. He'd driven from Philadelphia, and didn't want to stop for a coffee, or a chat; he wanted to go straight to lunch. Not so good. And we sat in the restaurant, he took a phone call, asked the caller to call in two hours. Not a good sign. I remember dating (I'm going back years!), and to get out of something, we (university students) would get someone to call and say there was an emergency. If we were happy on the date, we just said it was nothing important. If we wanted to get out of it, we said, sorry, there is an emergency. It's easier these days, since everyone has a mobile phone!!

We didn't talk much during the meal-most people don't say a lot, I think. They're too busy eating. After we were finished, he drove me back to the hotel.  I really would have liked to sit and talk; he took this fabulous trip across the USA, and I wanted to hear more. But no, he wanted to get back. And it was very clear to me that he didn't fancy me at all. Well-that ship sailed a long time ago, I guess. (in this case, fancying went one way only. Bummer!)

He did have a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me-but gave me a hug, said I should let him know next time I'm back in the US, and off he went.

I'm really surprised that the whole situation really depressed me! So I sat and thought about it, and I realized that everyone moves on; we all evolve, feelings change, people start to live (and think and feel) differently. Nothing remains the same: not people, and not situations. We all have to move forward and leave the past in the past, where it belongs.

That was a real eye-opener; I have spent two years (and a bit) in survival mode, just working at gaining back at least some of what I lost. And now I've decided that it's time to get out of survival mode and into living a real life mode...it isn't easy, but most things aren't.

I was going to go into the city today - but I've got a lot to do before I go to Orlando tomorrow. My closest friend lives just south of Orlando, and I'm going to see her for a long weekend. I'm so excited, I can hardly wait.

I've learned so much since I got here last Thursday - and I learn more every day. I think it's important to challenge yourself - to do what you think (and what other people tell you) you can't do. I do get dizzy. I've had some episodes of vertigo, but I haven't fallen over. Even with severe jet lag, I've been very wobbly (walking) at times, but I haven't fallen. That is a first.

I keep challenging myself, regardless of the circumstances and what is happening around me. I was afraid to make the trip to New York - but (except for the baggage going missing for two hours) I'm so glad I decided to face up to my fears and do it anyway. Now I'm flying to Orlando tomorrow.

What the heck - we only live once, so why not take risks and enjoy life? I'm sure I will learn more before I return to Blighty next week. Right now, everything is both a challenge and a lesson - and I am so, so glad I'm here. I still love New York. I love my country (even though the government sucks, and there are things that the government does that are simply reprehensible) -

I will always be American. I will always be a New Yorker. And I won't ever apologize for that to anyone. I wish some of my own people would stop doing that.

Que pasa, plonker?

Okay, still practicing my Spanish-now I wish I had moved to Spain for a year or two and learned the language-actually, when I was a teenager, I remember one of my father's patients coming into the office and declaring that she was moving to Puerto Rico to work in a hotel. She spoke no Spanish; she didn't speak very good English, either (she was Russian). I thought how brave of her!!!

Don't you know she came back for a visit a year later, came in for a checkup, and looked fantastic! I was there at the time, taking over for my father's nurse (out sick)-and Alice spoke fluent Spanish. I certainly made a big mistake!! I could have been bilingual. Plonker? Hmmmmm, not really. I went off to university instead - and my life has been pretty good! (I still wish I'd learned a second language!)

I've seen nearly everyone, jet lag or no jet lag. I went to the mall on Friday-and I went on my own-and took the afternoon to seek out some things I need that I can't find over in the UK. I didn't find everything I wanted, but I still have time!

I hung out with my friend Diane on Saturday, and we went to this store-you would not believe this store!! It is huge - bigger than the superstores in the UK, and they don't sell clothing, or toasters, or anything like that. They sell food. And the food is incredibly fresh-rows and rows of fruit, and vegetables, whole aisles devoted to olive oils - olive oils!!! I didn't know there were so many olive oils. There was even an entire section devoted to pickles. So I bought a few half sour pickles - they don't exist over in the UK. Amazing!! I have now satisfied my pickle needs...And I've been having a bagel (a real bagel, not the disgusting garbage the Brits serve up and call a bagel) for breakfast every morning. So I've satisfied my bagel needs, too!!

I'm waiting for Diane to collect me so we can go and explore a store called BJs-it's like Costco (which is now in the UK). I like going through those places, even though I probably won't buy anything.

There is so much more to tell-and I'll get back online later.

Hola, cupcakes!

I'm still very jet lagged - presumably I'll be back in the same NY time zone by-Christmas. Which year, I have no idea!!

I arrived on Thursday afternoon. The flight was fine, and I got to JFK only to find that the baggage handlers had lost my luggage. So - it took someone two hours to scour the airport to find it. Whew-I thought I was doomed to wear the same clothes for a couple of days - and the airline would have to pay for a new wardrobe!!

That was the worst part of my trip over here - except, of course, for the horrendous jet lag. I've been awake at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night- every night!!

I arrived to find that everyone (or, nearly everyone, it seemed) spoke Spanish. When did people stop speaking English? It was very frustrating for me. I took four years of Spanish in high school, and when I went off to university, I forgot everything I'd learned. The teacher at that time made a good point: if you want to learn a foreign language, go to that country and learn from the people, not from a book. Who speaks textbook Spanish in the real world? Or any language, for that matter!!

I can get as far as: hola, prat. Or, que pasa, wanker? Of course, I can't say that to anyone from the UK, or anyone who has visited the UK - not a good idea, that's for sure!! I do, however, recommend that if you want to use those two expressions (two of my favorites, by the way), say them in some language that nobody will understand - like, maybe, Klingon.

Always swear at someone with a smile - then run.

Things are going well - except that my balance has been completely kaput since Thursday. I was warned this would happen: my GP and Dr Dimples both told me to expect that all my symptoms would be intensified, but that this would pass after a few days. So I am staying well away from traffic!! And-people seem to avoid me. I think they probably think I'm either drunk or on drugs!!

Perhaps I should look at that as a bonus!

When I left Heathrow, it was foggy and damp and dreary - the usual!! After the lost luggage panic, and when I'd recovered a bit, I went out of the airport to see my friend waiting for me. And it was beautifully cool and sunny - it's been beautifully cool and sunny ever since.

I'm in New York. And New York greeted me with a smile. What else can anyone ask for?

Hasta la vista, baby!

It is just about time to leave - I would be lying if I said I'm not nervous. In fact, I am apprehensive to the point of terror...I don't know why, but I suspect it is due to the fact that I haven't been anywhere in three years. I was due to go to the US two years ago-but we all know how well that worked out!!

I'm packing. Frantically packing. I finally made lists last night: what to take, what to buy, what I need to do before I leave...and I'm still scared. I can't help thinking I will forget something crucial, and I'll get to the airport and won't be able to leave. Silly, eh?

I'm not worried about flying - I'm worried about landing. It's the landing that'll kill you!

I'm just joking. Really! My worry is that I will get to Heathrow and security will jump me because of needles, syringes and a nebulizer they have never seen before - and I'm afraid they'll cart me off to prison, or somewhere, and start ripping everything apart because they think I might be carrying a bomb. Eeeek-they will see medication and read my consultant's letter-so they should (in theory) let it go, and start looking for real terrorists! Who knows, though?

I will write from New York. I always have jet lag in both directions, so I will probably be awake all night for a couple of nights-I will certainly be awake very, very early!! And the hotel has a fitness center-so I will be able to work out and do my exercises.

Do I have the discipline and motivation to work out while I'm on holiday? I have to; my balance will be completely gone, this I already have been told by Dr Dimples, my lovely (but, sadly, married, so no longer attractive!) neurologist. So I need to do some compensation work very quickly, so I don't suddenly topple over in front of a moving bus.

I will be very careful while I'm there-I'm thinking about the medical bills if anything should happen (and that, believe me, makes me shudder just to think about it). I'm also thinking about all the food! Oh, yum!! My friend Diane works on Fridays, so (jet lag notwithstanding) I will be headed for Zabar's Deli on the upper East side. And Barnes & Noble, the best bookstore in the world. When I'm not seeing my friends - or working out, or stuffing my face - I can be found at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, or the MOMA, or the Guggenheim.

I'll have a great time once I stop myself from being so needlessly fearful. I'll see my friends. I'll go to museums. I'll hit the bookstores. And - I'll eat! I might need two seats on the plane back to Blighty-but who cares!!

We all only live once, so - hasta la vista, baby!!

Road Trip

I've got a couple of days left before I leave for New York-and so much to do!! I wanted to start preparing last week - but, hey, I'm the world's biggest procrastinator.

I've been finding it really difficult; we've had a lot of rain in the last week-of course, this is England, after all!! I normally don't mind rain (as long as I'm not caught without an umbrella when I need to be somewhere), but my balance is badly affected.Still, it isn't as bad as it was last year.

I'm quite amazed that I am doing this: going abroad, when I don't really know how my body will react to air travel (not to mention airline food!!). My friend is staying at my place while I'm gone (a little holiday of her own), so she gets to hear the neighbor from Hell - that will be interesting. It really isn't that gripping.

I've already rung the airline to tell them about taking all my meds and my nebulizer, needles and syringes onboard. They did say I should only carry what I need to nebulize on the plane-but I said that I need to carry everything, just in case my suitcase ends up in Brazil and I'm in New York, in deep doodoo without my drugs. That didn't go down too well, but we will see what happens when I get to the airport. They did tell me to arrive three hours before my flight-because going through security is very, very slow.

Personally, it's a pain, but I would rather security be tight (and slow) than sit on a plane that decides to explode halfway there!!

I remember flying back from New York to Heathrow many years ago. I sat in a window seat, and there was a woman sitting next to me who was gripping the armrests so hard, her knuckles went white-so did her face. I asked her if she was okay...and she said she is terrified of flying, but her daughter just had a baby, so she wanted to see her family. I remember asking her not to throw up if at all possible-because that would make me throw up, and we would probably have an epidemic of puking.

So, we took off from JFK, and we weren't in the air for more than twenty minutes when there was a loud bang. I looked out the window-I sat just behind the engines-and I could see smoke everywhere-and flames-the engine was on fire.

I did say many times that I am not exactly tactful-so I won't have a shot at joining the diplomatic service, that's for sure!!- so I called the stewardess over and said "oh, look, the engine is on fire" - very coolly, as if I was requesting a glass of water - but I was loud enough to give my seatmate a case of the vapors. She looked, turned even whiter, jumped out of her seat and ran back to the toilets, and that was the last I ever saw of her. Meanwhile, the stewardess turned white, and there was a plague of white-faced people who looked like they wanted to cry. All I said was, "well, don't worry, all we can do is crash, nothing we can do about it. Anyway, it isn't the take-off, it's the landing that'll kill you".

I was a lot younger then...and I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine. I'm still okay about flying; I just don't like the tedium of eight hours in the air, hearing screaming children and inhaling other people's stale farts. Charming...!!

I wish it could be like Star Trek: just beam me up in London, and beam me down in New York!!