A learning experience if there ever was one!

Like I said, everyone (almost) has come to visit. I'm so glad! I realize how much I miss home and my friends. You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. And my friends have helped me through the past two years, I can tell you that!!

I emailed someone I knew (I'll just use his initial:T) to let him know I'm in New York until Thursday. We used to be members of the same committees years ago; I didn't know that he fancied me then (he told me later on, and when I asked why he'd never mentioned it, he said he thought I knew. Duh! How did I miss that??). We decided to meet for lunch on Monday (just gone).

Well, I woke up on Monday morning with something I've never had before: a cold sore! I could not believe it: my mouth hurt during the night, and -because I've never had a cold sore before-I just thought my lips were very chapped. I looked in the mirror,and I wanted to cry. There was this lump on my lip-and, to me, it looked like I was about to sprout a cauliflower. It looked horrible. Here I was, meeting a man I'd fancied (and who had fancied me), and I had a bloody cold sore!! Eeeek!!

So I walked to the pharmacy (only about 1.5 miles, and I like the walk, since I couldn't do even 20 feet for the first 18 months), showed the pharmacist, and she confirmed that it was, indeed, a cold sore. I bought some medicine, but she told me the thing wouldn't be healed for 3-5 days. Oh,my
God!! I just looked at her: wasn't there something to work in, say, three hours? Nope. Tough luck. I had a fat lip, and it was going to stay that way for a few days.

Well, here is the short(ish) version. T arrived a bit earlier than I thought, which was good. He gave me a hug. Also good. He'd driven from Philadelphia, and didn't want to stop for a coffee, or a chat; he wanted to go straight to lunch. Not so good. And we sat in the restaurant, he took a phone call, asked the caller to call in two hours. Not a good sign. I remember dating (I'm going back years!), and to get out of something, we (university students) would get someone to call and say there was an emergency. If we were happy on the date, we just said it was nothing important. If we wanted to get out of it, we said, sorry, there is an emergency. It's easier these days, since everyone has a mobile phone!!

We didn't talk much during the meal-most people don't say a lot, I think. They're too busy eating. After we were finished, he drove me back to the hotel.  I really would have liked to sit and talk; he took this fabulous trip across the USA, and I wanted to hear more. But no, he wanted to get back. And it was very clear to me that he didn't fancy me at all. Well-that ship sailed a long time ago, I guess. (in this case, fancying went one way only. Bummer!)

He did have a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me-but gave me a hug, said I should let him know next time I'm back in the US, and off he went.

I'm really surprised that the whole situation really depressed me! So I sat and thought about it, and I realized that everyone moves on; we all evolve, feelings change, people start to live (and think and feel) differently. Nothing remains the same: not people, and not situations. We all have to move forward and leave the past in the past, where it belongs.

That was a real eye-opener; I have spent two years (and a bit) in survival mode, just working at gaining back at least some of what I lost. And now I've decided that it's time to get out of survival mode and into living a real life mode...it isn't easy, but most things aren't.

I was going to go into the city today - but I've got a lot to do before I go to Orlando tomorrow. My closest friend lives just south of Orlando, and I'm going to see her for a long weekend. I'm so excited, I can hardly wait.

I've learned so much since I got here last Thursday - and I learn more every day. I think it's important to challenge yourself - to do what you think (and what other people tell you) you can't do. I do get dizzy. I've had some episodes of vertigo, but I haven't fallen over. Even with severe jet lag, I've been very wobbly (walking) at times, but I haven't fallen. That is a first.

I keep challenging myself, regardless of the circumstances and what is happening around me. I was afraid to make the trip to New York - but (except for the baggage going missing for two hours) I'm so glad I decided to face up to my fears and do it anyway. Now I'm flying to Orlando tomorrow.

What the heck - we only live once, so why not take risks and enjoy life? I'm sure I will learn more before I return to Blighty next week. Right now, everything is both a challenge and a lesson - and I am so, so glad I'm here. I still love New York. I love my country (even though the government sucks, and there are things that the government does that are simply reprehensible) -

I will always be American. I will always be a New Yorker. And I won't ever apologize for that to anyone. I wish some of my own people would stop doing that.