Trust in God but Tie Your Camel

Well, the holidays are finally over, and I can come out of hibernation!! Hooray.

I remember a saying my mother taught me when I was a child; it came from her grandfather, and his father, and - well, who knows who made it up? It's a keeper, though: Trust in God but tie your camel. I asked her what it meant, and she told me that I needed to have faith and trust, but also be sensible, be cautious, don't do things haphazardly. Lock the front door, don't just assume you're safe. Lock your car door, don't walk down dark alleys at night...that sort of thing. It isn't being paranoid, but it is being smart. Don't confront (however politely) someone who turns out to be a deranged psychopath who will then beat the living crap out of you!! Well, okay, she didn't tell me the last bit, I had to learn that the hard (and painful) way!!

So the police told me last week that my attacker would probably get away with only a warning - because there were no credible witnesses and no CCTV. Every other block in London has so many cameras, I'm surprised the posts to which they are attached are still standing!! But not where I live - and the Crime Prosecution Service (I call it the Criminal Protection Service, and with very good reason) won't take any case to court unless they are certain they will win. So it's pretty obvious why everyone from everywhere comes to London: rob someone, beat someone, kill someone - unless it is on film, you will get away with it. That tells you a lot about the legal system in this country: it's barbaric.

I've been pretty freaked out about the whole thing since it happened-more than three weeks ago - and I didn't leave the house for the first two weeks, unless I absolutely had to go out. And I have decided that I will not let the lunatic win. She had me concussed, in pain, and fearful for three weeks, and I'm not giving her any more of my time. My time is precious. This has been a wakeup call.

My physiotherapist got it right yesterday when he said that bad things happen to good people. I realize now that I have to accept that, and accept that those bad people will go on doing what they are doing until someone stops them. Time for me to mind my own business, and stop trying to be a one-person neighborhood watch. Let someone else get the crap beaten out of them. I'm done.

Last year at this time I still could barely get out of bed without falling over. I was thinking about that over the past three weeks: last year I was in a second floor flat with internal stairs going up to the kitchen and living room, and I kept falling down those stairs. For several months, I needed physiotherapists to help me walk, because I couldn't do it on my own. And I needed an occupational therapist to come in to help me wash myself. How humiliating is that, not being able to wash yourself!!!!!! I cried, I cried buckets of tears, wondering if I would ever be able to do anything on my own. I couldn't shower; I had to strip wash: sit on the toilet and fill the sink, use a washcloth to clean myself. I hope I never have to do that again. It was degrading and humiliating. Imagine being old and having someone have to wash you, without ever being able to do it yourself!!!!

It has taken nearly 18 months: it will be 74 weeks this weekend. I have come a long way. AND-I will NEVER forget where I was this time last year. It took from August (2010) to December (2010) for me to even be able to go up and down a flight of ten steps-holding onto the banister to keep from falling over. If there was no banister, I had to go up and down while sitting on my backside. I did a lot of that; I'm surprised my backside isn't smaller!!!

I'll write more next time about the way things were last year, and about the changes I have seen since this whole thing happened. I can sit in front of a computer and write this blog: that is one of the biggest victories I have experienced in 18 months. How great is that! And-I can get into a shower without falling over and cracking my skull open. The first time I was able to do that was in January, 2011. I remember that vividly; I got out of the shower and sat and cried.

We take so much for granted. I will never again take anything for granted.