One step forward, 486 back

I didn't think I would take so long to write again-but I have to say, it has been one crappy week (to coin a phrase). I had to do all the hospital stuff all week, it rained nearly every day - which didn't help my balance or my mood!!- and now I am fighting a chest infection. What the hell!! I really am starting to feel like I am fighting a lost cause.

What is the point of life, anyway?? You fight and fight and fight to survive, and every time you turn around, something else happens. I really am starting to feel like a salmon, swimming desperately upstream, fighting rocks and currents, reaching the top, exhausted-only to end up as someone's lunch. Where is the fun in that??

I was very depressed all week, because my GP had the sudden desire to have me admitted to hospital and have intravenous antibiotics. Well, we all know how successful that was last time!! So I said no-and I still haven't started the two week course he gave me. I'm already 98% antiibiotics - and 2% fat and Kettle Chips!! Since Kettle Chips are my comfort food of choice, you know I'm in bad shape when I am not even interested - sad, so sad!!

I've always relied on my sense of humor (such as it is) to pull me out of a downer and help me bounce back-sooner or later. Lately, it has been later, rather than sooner. I think that part of that was the fact that my GP looked me straight in the eye and told me how serious my condition is. You have to be more careful than other people, he said. Yes, I know that. I could live to 50, or 60, or 70 or 80, and then I can develop a chest infection that will finish me off. And-various forms of cancers are linked to CVID, so those of us who were born with this condition are pretty much screwed, no matter how you look at it.

Of course, now that I have no vestibular system, I could also fall in front of a bus-or be pushed by some imbecile who expects me to sprint out of his or her way. That has nearly happened more than once. And, all I can say about that is that, if someone shoves me out of their way into the path of a moving bus, it should be something like the 91-which passes Harrods, goes down Sloane Street, and goes down the Kings Road: all the very posh shops are there! If I am going to be offed, it should be by something that goes somewhere very smart. God forbid I get offed by the 106, which goes through Hackney (ewwww!!), down through Bethnal Green (double ewwww!!!) and stops in Whitechapel (yuck: full body heave at the thought).

Now THAT would be really embarrassing!!!