I've got a theory...about men

When my friend and I went to the Tate, we talked (over lunch in the members' room) about all kinds of things-as you do when you only see each other every few months. And, one subject that kept coming back was the popularity in this country of reality and talent shows. We agree: we never watch either-except one, called The Voice, which came over from the States.

I could go on and on (as I do!!) about reality shows and the fact that people will do anything, no matter how stupid and humiliating, to get their fifteen minutes of fame and a place on national television. And I have no sympathy for those people at all: they know they are going to be humiliated and debased by the general viewing public (such as they are), but they go and do it anyway. Talk about braindead!! AND boring!!

So Marlene and I don't watch that load of crap, and we mourned over the paucity of really good shows-like the nature shows, which are done in conjunction with PBS or the Discovery Channel, are are second to none. In our opinion!!

We talked about The Voice,which we both like a lot - and the fact that the people who are chosen to appear actually can sing (most of them. A few have tin ears, but most have some ability at least).

One thing we found interesting is that the judges aren't like the odious Simon Cowell, or his mean and vicious "judges" - or like the resident nasties on shows like Strictly Come Dancing. They are so vicious-and yet, the ratings beat The Voice, where the judges actually have something constructive to say, and they do criticize, but kindly. Unlike Cowell and the others, who seem to want to be as vicious, evil, and destructive as possible, the Voice people are nicer. Much nicer! Why would anyone want to deliberately destroy the dreams of a 17 year old? And the viewers love it! I suppose they forgot what it felt like when they were 17 - so no wonder there are so many serial killers in this country.

My theory, after quick dips into Cowell country, and Strictly, and the Apprentice (I know I switched off after less than ten minutes, but I had enough time to formulate the theory): the Simon Cowells, the Alan Sugars, the whatever-the-names-of-the-judges on Strictly and the other "entertainment" shows is: these very rich, powerful, and exceptionally nasty bullies have a tiny, tiny willy. And THAT is why they enjoy being vicious. Of course: if you are called "needledick" in school, if other boys look at you in the communal showers and point and laugh, if a woman can't tell the difference between your willy and a gherkin...or worse, if the only way someone can find it is by using a very strong light, an electron microscope and a pair of tweezers, you are bound to grow up being a bully. And-no, chaps, that is a really LAME excuse!!

So, those of you wee willies, you lads known as PeeWee, get over it. Get an implant. Get a transplant. Shove a banana down your jeans and play let's pretend. Bullying is a life choice of the feeble-minded.

As for those of you who have the misfortune to have that kind of bully in your life-take a photo and put it on YouTube!! And then run for the exit!!!

I can, of course, only prove this theory by observation-which will, of course, get me severely beaten if not killed. Or-I can take a poll. Feel free to write...

I could do this on Facebook, but I would then have to go into hiding. Probably forever.