A very Clouseau moment

I would never be a good cat burglar-or any kind of burglar, for that matter. I waited until it was nearly dark, figuring that I could get around the corner without using my crutch-so nobody would know who I was. It was like Clouseau meets Gerald Ford. If you remember the former President, he could walk into a room that was completely clear of all obstructions and still trip over his own feet. Klutz is the word.

I was just like that last night. I stumbled all over the place, with my box of fireworks, a small flashlight (just in case), a box of matches, a rolled up piece of paper to use as a fuse lighter (didn't need it after all that), and my phone-just in case I managed to set myself (or anyone else) on fire. I kept laughing, so that didn't help.

It went really well. I put the box in the ground, lit the fuse, and sprinted (well, stumbled) across the road to watch the fun. And it was fun-for about two minutes. There were flashes of light, and a couple of rockets rose about eight feet and exploded. Then there was smoke, and dogs barking. In fact, if someone had called the cops they would have missed the fun. I went home, well chuffed that I had done this at all. No wine, or anything alcoholic, though. I guess I just wasn't in the mood.

It was a bit like-hmmm-okay, the first time you have sex with someone new, it's all about anticipation, and the hope that it will all go well and nobody will fall out of bed or have a heart attack (I never said I wasn't a bit weird). Then you know that it is not only the first time-but it's also the last time, because it seems to be over in a heartbeat. You're lying there, thinking - meh. Is that it? Is that all? Eww. What a letdown.

It wasn't exactly the same feeling, of course-not that I can remember that far back-but it was a case of: well, that was nice, but brief. And why on earth did I bother? And the guy turned out to be a total dork...you get the picture.

So that was my July 4th celebration. Next year I will make sure I get some decent fireworks! The dogs were barking, but I'll bet that they were bored, too. But-at least I did something I couldn't do last July, and I realized as I stumbled all over the place that I will have to work harder if I want to be able to go out in the dark (or semi-dark) without my crutch to keep me upright. That in itself was a learning experience.

And now I am going to make myself a Mojito. I think I earned it...