Foot in mouth: small foot, big mouth

I entertained myself yesterday by slagging off everyone - I felt justified in doing so, since I had to deal with abuse from the general public (and I have had to do so for the last 18 months).

Oh dear-I got a call from an English friend of mine, who usually agrees with me about this topic. She reminded me that I am the first one to have a go at people who make generalizations-and that is exactly what I did in my post yesterday! So, we had a friendly discussion about that, and I reminded her that she has always agreed with me-and that  she is one of the small percentage of people who don't fit into that category. We had a laugh; she told me I should slap myself for putting that onto the blog-although what else is a blog for, but to tell the truth about what is going on?

She proceeded to remind me that we attract things to ourselves. Eucch!! All that new age claptrap!! We manifest all the things that happen to us. That may be the case, but I told her that I didn't attract all this, and I think she should slap herself for saying it! Perhaps we should slap each other...

My take on the "we attract all of it" is: why on earth would we want to create more guilt in our lives by placing the blame on ourselves? So many of us (myself included) already are loaded with the Catholic/Presbyterian/Jewish guilt we have spent a lifetime trying to eradicate-so why blame ourselves and create more of the same??

Feel free to either agree or disagree-I would love to hear other points of view. My very good friend (for the last 18 years) is following this blog, and has reminded me on several occasions that bad things happen to good people. True! Do we want to beat ourselves up some more? Hardly!!

Speaking of beating ourselves up-today marks exactly 18 months since "the event". I still ruminate over the whole time period - and I am slowly (and I do mean, slowly) reaching the point where I have to accept that my life has changed considerably, and there is nothing I can do to undo what has been done. Acceptance does ease the pain (somewhat), but the prospect of never getting any more of my abilities back creates a great deal of anxiety. Still.

I can only work harder, and refuse to quit. I can only respond to Prakash's statement that I will never get more than 50% back (if I'm lucky) by saying "perhaps you are right. Perhaps". The brain is a remarkable organ, and as long as there is a chance, I will aim higher-a lot higher. As long as I am still breathing, there is always a chance.

I was walking up the road this morning, and I heard a noise and turned my head. I didn't think about that action, I just did it. What surprised me was that I didn't topple over. In fact, I was able to walk and turn my head at the same time-unheard of even six months ago. I smiled at the cat that caused the noise, and kept going; I smiled because I was able to do something I haven't been able to do for the best part of 18 months.

Even the smallest victory is a victory. I have truly learned that life is short, and we should never take anything for granted.