Jingoism, xenophobia, and porky pies

I certainly stirred up some people when I said that some little white lies are appropriate-necessary, in fact! I received a few comments on that, I can tell you!! So before I get to the rest of the blog, I need to return to the little porky pie (lie) scenario. I stand my ground; certain tiny lies are required-depending on the situation.

For example: you go shopping with a friend, and she tries on a dress that makes her look like an elephant in a tutu. Do you tell her that? Not if you want to keep her as a friend! You might say something like "let's look at a few more; perhaps you'll find something you like a lot" - or something similar. Or-you are shopping with a friend (another one) who has legs like tree trunks, and wants to buy a mini skirt-and she is about 65 years old, and looks like she applies her makeup with a trowel (the Joan Collins look: not just mutton dressed as lamb, but 80 trying desperately to look like she is 30- yuck!!). Do you tell her that she looks like an old porker? Not unless you want the inevitable black eye for the suggestion-you mumble that she would look younger in black/white/red/a black plastic bag- or whatever.

My best white lie example comes from the time when my neighbor, Crazy Carol (of the eyeball searing yellow and Chernobyl green walls) invited me to her flat for lunch. It was God-awful; I mean, I wouldn't serve it to my dog. I wouldn't serve it to anybody's dog-the poor thing would probably bite me. All the way through lunch, Carol kept saying how gorgeous it all was: "if I do say so myself", she kept saying, looking sideways at me for a compliment. What was I going to do: tell the truth and say that she should stick to microwave meals and takeaway? I finally said "mmm, lovely"- which she took as approval, but which I meant as-well, lovely could mean anything, from the trees outside to one of her plastic ducks hanging crookedly on the wall. Needless to say, she kept inviting me back, and I kept being very, very busy. Besides, she makes coffee that could peel the paint off my walls. I'd rather have-Kettle Chips.

Now, that should be enough to explain "little white lies". I do NOT mean anything earth shattering, or "I sent that three weeks ago", when it is still sitting on your desk-that is just plain rude. Or-of course I'm not having an affair-which could get you killed.

Now to jingoism and xenophobia: you guessed it, I'm taking a potshot at the Olympics. The Brits, never to take failure without making feeble excuses and slandering their competition, have been saying that a lot of gold medal winners are drug taking. Of course, this only applies to the American and Chinese teams-who, coincidentally, are well ahead in the medals table. Yesterday I went to our little mindfulness meeting: four of us meet once a month to keep up with the meditation we learned several months ago. Inevitably, we talked about the Olympics. I naturally support Team USA-and I am being very patriotic when I say that I hope our team creams everybody else!!

Out came the comments that Britain has the best athletes, and, of course, other people are the ones who win by taking drugs. Who would that be? I asked. Well, Lance Armstrong couldn't possibly win unless he took drugs, since cycling is full of drug-taking. Oh, I said, then Bradley Wiggins, who just won his first Tour de France, must be taking drugs. I got a very snappy reply: of course not, cycling is in his genes. Yeah, right? And Bolt, I said, must be on drugs to be able to run so fast. And what about the rowers? Well-I gave as good as I got (I usually do). And I said that the Brits are worse winners than they are losers-and they are very poor losers. They have no grace, only excuses.

Well-we agreed to differ, and we were all fine at the end-even Jane, who is Austrian, and took my side. Jane is returning to Austria after many years here in Britain. We started to talk about her decision to return home-she seemed unsure, and I turned to her and said that she could always change her mind and come back. I said that she should follow her heart, and if she made a mistake, she could just change her mind and return, that she would always be welcome. She gave me a big smile-I think I said the right thing.

I tend to listen well to other people-and to give pretty good advice (which I wish I would take-I would be so much better off if I listened to myself!!)-and, for some reason, people tend to confide in me and ask for advice, so I'm very careful to ask them first what they think. I don't ever want to tell someone something and then find out later on down the road that I gave them a load of rubbish!!

I think I missed my true vocation: agony aunt and motivational speaker!!