Sometimes you just have to lie!

It is now 103 weeks-and I said I would stop counting when I reach two years exactly-so that is what I am going to do.

I had to go to the Royal London the other day; it was my quarterly visit to see Matt, the consultant who replaced Hilary (remember, I sacked her last year) Longhurst. It's amazing to me that everyone at Bart's and the London keeps telling me to move to the Royal Free, which is so much closer to my house. Even Matt broached the subject on Wednesday; he is challenging me to go (and I'm fairly certain that is a Bart's management directive), and I am refusing to leave. My thinking is that every time I have to go into the hospital, the staff at the London will be very, very careful.

So, we had this lengthy discussion, and I said that I will never trust Sofia in a million years. Matt said that we then have a stalemate, because I need to trust the entire team to do what is best for me. I said that I trust him, but he is the only consultant I trust.

Eeek-I'm such a liar!! I like Matt, but I have had the worst experience of my life by trusting both Hilary and Sofia to provide good medical care. And it has taken two years for me to be able to begin to move forward. Do I believe they have my best interests at heart? I believe they have their best interests at heart. I'm very wary-wouldn't you be wary?

I remember getting caught cheating on an exam when I was about 14-my classmate copied an answer from the person sitting next to her, I copied from her, and someone else copied from me-and we all got caught. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life (up until then, anyway). The worst part of it all was the fact that we all copied a wrong answer!!!! So we got detention for nothing, and the teacher failed us on the exam, and all our parents were notified. I went home, thinking I was going to get a severe beating-but I got a lecture about honesty and integrity instead. My parents told me how disappointed they were, and that someone who cheats on an exam, or their taxes, or anything else in life is a loser who is fooling nobody but themselves. You don't lie, cheat or steal, they said: what goes around comes around, and whatever you do in life will always come home to roost. Then they grounded me for a month. I never cheated again.

Well-as I get older, I'm beginning to think that little white lies here and there aren't such a major deal. For example: a woman asks her partner if her bum looks big in what she is wearing. We have ALL had that experience! Better to be tactful - at least, if you want to stay in the relationship, and if you prefer not to be thrown out the window or smacked in the face with the nearest heavy object!!- and say you think the style isn't very flattering-or something to that effect.  You do NOT tell her that she has a backside the size of Brazil and anything she wears will make her butt look like a small third-world country!!

White lies: I remember the old one about washing one's hair: I'm sorry, I can't go out with you, I'm washing my hair. Ewww...nobody says that these days (at least, I hope not!). Anything is better than that: I've got a date, I'm very busy, I've got herpes, I'm gay - well, perhaps not the last two, but I think you get the drift. Lie, rather than tell someone he is too creepy-because he just might turn out to be tomorrow's serial killer.

I mention all this because I was just about rupturing myself on the treadmill the other day when the news was filled with accusations about the Chinese athlete who might be taking drugs to win. Typical Olympic stuff: someone is always doping to win. I thought at the time about the Chinese government's somewhat less than sterling stance on human rights. They like torturing and killing people: their own people, anyone else's people, they don't really care. If I was competing, I'd be taking drugs, too-just the thought of what might be waiting for me if I went back with no medals would scare me into doing whatever I needed to do to win!!

There is no greater motivator than fear (except, perhaps, greed: just ask any politician).

So-I'm all for the little white porky-I mean, little, not the mega, cosmic-sized whopper (like, buying a dress and saying it was on sale, rather than paying the mortgage-I actually had a neighbor in North London who did that. She is now divorced. Well, duh!!).

I just had an hour of training at the gym. I've decided that nothing and nobody will stop me from getting that 80% back-and more, if I can do it. No-WHEN I can do it. I think I need CPR.