Ode to the big one

It hit me on Wednesday: I'm in for yet another surgical procedure, and this one is going to be one humdinger of an op! Is everyone involved a wee bit nervous? Well-not as nervous as I am!!!

Wednesday was one of those awful days-and I wasn't thinking about anything except self-preservation. Am I scared? It's more appropriate to say that I am terrified. First of all, falling down flights of stairs and landing on my knees for eighteen months (post gentamicin) has torn the cartilage in my left knee, so that will need to be repaired at some stage. But the big one is the right knee, which has been rather destroyed. It's no fun falling and landing on one knee, as anyone who has done so (especially repeatedly) will testify.

The worst part is that Mr. Skinner has decided to do this before Christmas. So I had to run around and get information for the RNOH Stanmore, because there is no time to write letters back and forth. I just about had a stroke because of the obstinacy and the total lack of cooperation on the part of my "team" at the Royal London. Was it necessary for them to be so obstructive? No-but they were. Of course, I do know that, with the court case coming, everyone would dearly like me to change hospitals. I won't do that; they will have to treat me very carefully, and I am unwilling to start over somewhere else. I could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire-I'm not that stupid (hopefully)!!

It took endless phone calls and two days before all the information was with the pre-admission people at Stanmore. I understand that I am being fast-tracked; this is due to the CVID, and the bilateral vestibular hypofunction (destruction of the balance mechanism, I just wanted to show off. Scuse me for that!!LOL). While my lungs are still okay and I am chest-infection free (someone knock on a piece of wood, please), Mr. S wants to replace the knee. And I have less time than I thought!!

Mr. S said "before Christmas"-this Christmas- so I thought, okay, I've probably got until mid-December to get to the gym every day (no excuses this time!!) and exercise my little socks off. I might not have that long before I find myself in the hospital. And, since Mr. Skinner's office will liaise with the Royal London and the London Chest Hospital-and they are far more efficient that these plonkers-it may be sooner, rather than later. No wonder I was a bit depressed and overwhelmed. How am I going to handle crutches when I have no balance mechanism? Nobody has thought about that yet!!

I went along to the Neurology Hospital at Queen Square yesterday morning. I was supposed to finish vestibular physiotherapy in May-but I was in the hospital, the physiotherapist moved on, everyone was very busy-and yesterday I saw Ben, the final physio in my treatment schedule, for the last time. He checked me out and said that I am still improving, although very slowly now. He gave me a few more killer exercises, and told me that I am on my own now. It's funny: I saw a vestibular physio (four times) at the Royal London, and she was useless. I saw one at my GP's surgery (four times) and she was useless, too. But the people at the Neurology Hospital are the very best-that is why there is such a huge waiting list. If I hadn't gone there, I would never have come as far as I have. And I have to go the rest of the way by myself. It's a little daunting-but I will step up and do the work. Is there an alternative!

Ben advised me to get to the gym as often as I can, and to work the muscles in my legs until they are rock solid. He also suggested that I strengthen my arm and shoulder muscles; at the moment, they are about the size of a sparrow's kneecaps. So I have some homework (and gymwork) to do!

Well, this is just another in a series of huge challenges. My life seems to have been a series of huge challenges! So I've got another battle on my hands-and now, it's off to the gym.

I did ask Mr. Skinner on Wednesday to knock me out with drugs-and to keep me on drugs until there is no more pain-until, maybe, Easter. He just laughed at me. Well, I should get credit for trying!!