When in doubt, use a hammer

It has been more than just a stressful week. It rained-a lot. When it rains, I have no balance at all-and my vision is even worse than usual. Friday I was in a dreadful mood-and just moped around, dropping things, and trying to stay upright.

My life seems to be about staying upright most of the time! I'm sure that anyone else with balance problems-or, indeed, any kind of disability- knows the meaning of frustration. It seems like I've taken two steps forward and about twelve steps back. So, as it rained most of the weekend, I was understandably very discouraged.

But-this is now two years and four months down the road, so I know what to expect: good days and crap days. I've experienced several of the latter!!

Yesterday, I braved the rain, the balance, the frustration, and went along to a conference about immunology (and Primary Antibody Deficiency). It was interesting, and informative - but, unfortunately, Hilary Longhurst was there, too. She was all phony and ickily friendly-and I just gave her a withering look, but decided to be professional (as much as I can be, under the circumstances). I was very uncomfortable, but decided to always keep in mind that, when (if) the case against Barts Trust comes to court, Hilary will be one of three doctors (witch doctors) who will be called to testify. Let's see how friendly she is when I have her issued with a subpoena!! Thinking about that made me feel less upset.

When this court case is behind me, only then will I be able to move forward. I know it's difficult, but that is the situation as it stands now.

I got home, worn out, at about 6pm. I tackled the remaining turkey (it really does look like I will have turkey until Christmas!! If I don't see a turkey for another year-or eight-I will be happy indeed!!). One thing I also bought was a big bag of nuts. That was another decision I might have considered more than once!!

I've got this nutcracker that works on a ratchet system. I bought this thing years ago, and-unfortunately-used it for something else a couple of years ago, and completely destroyed it! I feel a bit like the person who uses an expensive steak knife to open a can!! Anyway, after about a year of intensive detective work, I found another ratchet one, and I'm taking really good care of it. The problem is, some nutshells just don't want to crack, regardless of how hard you try.

Well, there is nothing like a little ingenuity-especially when combined with brute force! I used the trick from my student days: use a hammer. Of course, you can't exactly haul out a hammer to crack nuts when you have guests-unless they know you very, very well!! But that was fine; I was on my own, and this walnut refused to open-so I grabbed my hammer, gave it a good whack (nearly got my hand in the process!), and there were bits of shell all over the kitchen. I'm still finding nutshells all over the place-but I got the nut, so there you are.

It's like anything else in life that refuses to go your way: when in doubt, use a hammer. They will put that on my tombstone: that, and "she kicked, screamed and swore all the way to the end".

Never give up, and never let anyone else tell you what to do.