Crashed and burned: down, but not out. Never out!

It's been raining-of course. It's rained all week. On Wednesday, I just couldn't face going out and sloshing about in the rain, and fighting off the usual idiots-but idiots with golf umbrellas this time. Who needs golf umbrellas in central London? Only people who don't think twice about assaulting all the people around them!!

So, I stayed in on Wednesday and caught up with all the television shows I've taped all week-just in case I felt like being horrendously lazy. And-I did nothing all Wednesday-but, boy, did I ever feel guilty about it!

I've got a storage unit filled with all my stuff: years and years of all kinds of things-my life in a 15' x 25' room. It would have been emptied two years ago, if not for the gentamicin. But now, I seem to have progressed enough to go and have a good look around-preferably without falling on my nose.

I forced myself to take a trip to rummage around the storage unit on Thursday - anything to make myself feel a bit better, and to get myself out of the house and moving around. No moving, no improvement. That is the way it is. So I trudged through pouring rain and got there at 9am. Was I in for a shock, or what!

I have to say, I was gobsmacked. Really, my gob was completely smacked. Apart from finding papers from 2005 (and earlier), there was so much stuff I don't need - or want. But-2005? Really!! I did say I procrastinate terribly, and the terrible (and expensive) cost of procrastinating and hoarding really hit me hard. I started rummaging through boxes that haven't been opened in some considerable time, and I found evidence of mice. The little buggers not only crapped all over, they peed all over everything-everything expensive...no ruining cheap clothes for them, when they can destroy all the good stuff.

Now, I like Mickey and Minnie as much as the next person, but I was livid, and the storage people are moving stuff out so they can put poison down. No more sympathy for mice, I say - although I do draw the line at glue traps, which I think are disgusting and inhumane. I get upset at any animal suffering-even mice (although cockroaches are so revolting, who cares?).

So, that was my Thursday, and it got me ruminating all the way home (no big surprise there). I found photographs of my past, and I brought them with me; I couldn't bear throwing them out. I found my dogs' leads-and, yes, I could give them away, but I'm saving them-just in case I have another dog. I'm just a big softie when it comes to dogs. What else can I say?

I hit the wall on Wednesday, and I was pretty down all day-but I really forced myself to get up and get out and do something constructive on Thursday, so I was pleased that I accomplished something constructive. I crashed and burned, but I came back; I won't ever let myself get as down and depressed as I was for the entire first year post-gentamicin.

We're up to 89 weeks now, and I have come a long way, although I have a very long way to go, and I am not certain of the outcome. I don't have anywhere near that longed-for 80% (plus), but I have to just keep working-without becoming obsessive about it. Some kind of balance is what is needed. In fact-action is what is needed!!

I also need to be uncharacteristically ruthless when it comes to throwing out what is unnecessary (who needs papers from a decade ago? And who needs 6 woks?), or giving stuff away that someone else can use (like the woks!. And, as for clothes, I can open a clothing shop. I won't need any outfits for years-because some of the nice stuff was missed by the little rodents - let them pee somewhere else. Pee-or return and die!!