Just when I thought it was safe...

I've been doing the hospital run this week-as usual. Once May comes around, I will have only a few appointments-and I will be so free, I won't know what to do with myself!! I'll be able to start living-finally.

I had a tough week-and not just because of all the hospital appointments! The weather turned cold and rainy- well, this is Britain, after all, and one just becomes accustomed to changes in the weather (sometimes hourly). It really affected my balance, as well as my vision. I kept having dizzy spells, I couldn't see well enough to read, much less use the computer...it was very disheartening. And-I got through it.

I walked in the rain-and I got wet, but I figured that I had to challenge myself by doing the things that make my balance and vision worse. That is the only way I will get any better: rise to the challenge, no matter how frustrating it is, and just get on with it. They'll put that on my tombstone one day:just get on with it!!

My GP, Margaret, has taken three months off to travel-and just to take a break from medicine, she told me before she left. So I went to see the doctor who is "minding" me while she is away. I've seen him around the surgery, and he always looks rumpled, as if he just rolled out of bed and came into the office. It's really funny-and he is very thorough and very good. It seems I have managed to tear the cartilage and ligaments in one knee - all the falling over and landing knees first - and it also seems that I have managed to dislodge one of the bolts holding my other knee together (I mangled myself in an accident ten years ago). So I might have to have double knee surgery. Oh, joy: more hospitals, more surgery, more people bleeding me. Ick.

We were discussing this, and David told me that Homes for Haringey (remember them?) tried to contact Margaret to tell her they were "afraid for my mental health". That's Toilet and Philippou again: they just won't quit. Well, Margaret isn't there, so David laid into them and told them that there is nothing mentally wrong with me, and that he is aware of the situation, and that perhaps they should go for some treatment themselves, since they obviously need it more than I do. Hooray for David!!! Someone else is in my corner. And so much for the halfwits at Homes for Haringey. David suggested that I take the high road, do and say nothing, and just concentrate on getting my balance back. He also said that other patients have complained about Philippou, so I'm not the only one, although I was the only one to complain in writing, so therefore I stuck my head above the parapet, knowing that I would be in for a ton of abuse. There we are: vindicated.

Now I have more work to do, and not just the exercises that are designed to cause more dizziness. I also need to strengthen my muscles in case I do need knee (or, knees) surgery. I spent more than a year barely vertical-and when I was upright, I spent a lot of time falling over. So all my muscles have gone south. I've got biceps like a budgie's kneecaps. OH, yes, talk about kneecaps!!

I've given myself the goal of being off the walking stick and having at least 80% of balance and vision back-by the end of July, which will be just about two years since the whole gentamicin debacle. And-my other goal is to be able to take a trip to New York and Florida in the autumn, so I can see everyone and have a long needed vacation - needed, and, in my opinion, deserved. Am I able to fly with no vestibular mechanism? Well, I don't know, but I will find out!

Meanwhile, I am keeping my head down and staying out of everyone's way. It's hard to hit a moving target.