Yoda has bigger ears

I'm starting to think that people come into your life for a purpose-some lesson they have to teach you, or some lesson they have to learn from you-or, perhaps, both. People go in and out-and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to stop them from going, or to be upset when they leave. Huh-am I getting old, or what?

I have spent the last two years dedicated to the subject of health: my health. I've been completely immersed in one illness or another, or one catastrophe or another-to the extent that I haven't had the time (or the inclination) to think about anything else. Two years ago (March, 2010) I first developed pseudomonas, and the treatments (oral antibiotics) didn't work, so I had to go into the hospital-and we all know what happened afterward!!! It seems like I have been doing the hospital/physio/consultant/bloodletter routine nearly every day. I haven't done any of the things I like to do- and I really do miss having a life!!

I mention the "reason, season, lifetime" cliche because it does seem to have some credence-somewhere.

I've been to see my family doctor (GP, if you are in this country!) quite often; every month I give her an update on everything that has been going on, get a reload of prescriptions, and have her check me out when I have another chest infection (and that has been rather too often for both of us!).

There is a coffee bar not far from the surgery, and I started going in there to fortify myself before my GP's appointment. The woman behind the counter (the only one there who makes coffee that doesn't taste like it could double as paint stripper) came up to me a few months ago, and asked me why I was on the tripod. You seem to be really athletic, she said at one point. I usually don't talk about the gentamicin thing to anyone-it's nobody's business-but I told her what happened. She looked me in the eye and told me that I am "a magician", and that she could tell this by my eyes (I would have made a joke about the fact that they don't focus too well, but I was smart enough to shut up. For once!). She told me that I could do anything I set my mind to do, and that I must work hard, but I will get most of my abilities back, if not all of them. Just watch and believe, she said. I promise you, you have a tremendous amount of power, she said. I know this could have been a come-on of some kind, but I thought about it later: it wasn't a come-on. She was very sincere, and very serious (she told me later that she is a psychic). Okay, stop laughing!!

I enjoyed going in there, and we would swap stories and jokes as I began to feel better. Leah was a great judge of how I was walking, and how I was getting better. She started calling me "Yoda", telling me how powerful I am - I started calling her "Princess Leah" - it was a joke, of course, and it was just really great to be able to share a joke and  a coffee without thinking about sickness, or infections, or balance -or lack of balance. I went in there the other day, only to be told that Leah had quit and gone back to Slovakia.

That, of course, made me think about people who came and went, and I started to ruminate (as usual) about what I have learned from all the people who showed up - and the ones who hurt me badly. I haven't figured out all the reasons for everyone-that will take some time- but I realize from Leah that I can get better, and that I need to lighten up and add some humour into my life. I tend to take everything very seriously-too seriously-and I take things personally. Life really is too short.

There is a David Hockney exhibition at the Royal Academy-it's a big trip for me, but I am going. I won't let this disability, this damage, keep me from doing things I want to do any longer. I can't !! I stopped living two years ago, and now it is time to get off my backside and get moving.