Keep death on the roads, that's what I say!

I've been cleared to drive. That's right: I can drive, but only under certain conditions: the weather has to be clear, not wet or too sunny, I can only go short distances, and I must start by driving when and where there isn't too much traffic.

The object is to help me get my confidence back-so I need to practice, just as if I was driving for the very first time. I've had to break those rules a few times: I had to move the car when I moved flats, and I also had to move the car after it was vandalized. I'm amazed - to this day - that nobody caught me getting into my car through the hatch, struggling to get to the front door to open it so I could drive to the garage to have new locks fitted. There I was, backside in the air, climbing over all the seats-what a Kodak moment!!

I'm not saying that my physiotherapist didn't have much faith in me-but she did ask me to let her know in advance when I would be driving so that she could be out of the area!!

Yesterday morning seemed like as good a time as any to begin this next little chapter. I know that I was cleared to drive a couple of months ago, but I didn't really feel ready. I'm still not certain-but I'm going to have a go anyway. So, off I went, up the road, around the roundabout (I can honestly say that roundabouts are tricky for a lot of drivers who don't seem to be visually impaired-just completely hopeless at driving). My roundabout has buses in the middle - they pull in to change drivers, or to have a break, or whatever the reason is-and there they are, never when you really need them.

I went around the roundabout without any problems-of course, it was 7:00 am, and Sunday, so there wasn't a lot of traffic! Traffic would have made things a bit trickier, because I might have been distracted. I zipped around the corner, drove for a mile or so to a large Tesco's, then turned around and came back again. I have to say that I was most proud of myself- I didn't hit any parked cars, I didn't hit any animals or people-I really would have been upset if I'd hit anyone, especially animals or children. Adults can sprint out of the way-and, failing that, they'll be fine once they are out of plaster, in about 6-8 weeks! But-I would hate to kill or cripple anyone. That would be really bad karma. And they wouldn't be too happy about it, either.

So, that was my first real driving experience in nearly two years. Of course, road trips of any distance are still not allowed, but if I keep going a mile or two, I will start to feel confident enough to have a go when there is traffic. I just need to remember not to hit anyone (you got it: bad karma).

I parked a few streets away from my home; I feel better about parking further away, because I feel safer. Parking near the house (since the vandalism) is like waving a red flag at a bull: it's asking for trouble, and, even though the trouble might never happen (especially since I made such a stink with Homes for Haringey), I am not willing to take any chances. My gut says park elsewhere-and when I don't listen to my gut, I always come unstuck. Always.

You will love this last part, which I just had to save for the end of the story. I then went into my local newsagents for the newspaper. I heard a rumble behind me, and it turned out to be a Ferrari. I don't see a lot of Ferraris, although there are several Porsches in the area-and Audis, and nice little sportscars. So, of course, I looked as the driver got out. I wish I hadn't looked at all: he was bald, ugly, loaded with bling (rings and necklaces up the wazoo, very vulgar and tacky. He even had three medallions on him-as if one wasn't enough). AND-he pushed past me as if I shouldn't have been in his way. What a jerk!!

To make matters worse: he bought a copy of The Sun. The SUN!!! I was gobsmacked. I wondered if he subscribed to the National Enquirer-both rags are about equal. Eeeek!!! That, and no manners, and all the bling-plus, he was dead ugly to boot. Yuch, what a total letdown!

He bought his tat and was really rude to the man behind the counter, who caught my eye and saw me roll my eyes. He was looking for a mirror-presumably so he could preen. Perhaps he thought the Ferrari made him a rockstar. Hardly-he was a perfect ringer for Gollum out of Lord of the Rings. I do mean, perfect ringer!!
He then turned and walked straight at me-again-but I was ready this time. I put my stick out at the last minute, and he nearly fell on his face (that would have improved his looks no end). He crashed into the door frame, and I couldn't help myself. I started to laugh, and as he glared at me, I said to the clerk "bad manners, ugly as sin, and so clumsy. What a lousy catch. Good thing he has a nice car". We both laughed as the idiot got into the Ferrari, gunned it (trying to make a point, perhaps?) and screamed away, nearly piling into another car in his haste to leave.

The Sun? The bling? I'll bet the car was stolen-either that or he's a drug dealer. And, as for the bling, I would be anyone a fiver that it is 9K electroplate. Really-what a tool!! I will never think of Ferrari drivers in the same way again. I probably will never think about Ferrari drivers, period. That's what I get for looking at the car and dreaming that the driver would be worth looking at, too. Oh, dear, some of the ugliest and dumbest and rudest men drive the nicest cars. I suppose they would never attract anyone any other way!!

I walk and walk and walk. I do my exercises religiously, because I want to get as much of my balance and visual acuity back as possible. And the last two years have been about sickness, not about enjoying life. So at the very least, I would like to be able to see (even for a fleeting moment) a man who floats my boat. Just one handsome man, just one!! Why not be able to look and go "oooh, that's nice!? Men do it at women; why can't women have that right when it comes to appreciating good looking men?

The answer: we can, but not in my area. They are so very ugly. So I stop and pet passing dogs instead. At least they're friendly. And- no bling!!!!