Only the Good Die Young

I had a very unproductive weekend. We had sunny days-for a change!!-, clear, crisp weather-and I missed most of it. I think I am now an expert in RDP: Rumination, Depression and Procrastination. Perhaps this is a syndrome that would make a good degree course!!

I ruminated all weekend-and I stayed close to home (sometimes just sitting on the sofa, doing nothing), procrastinating cleaning, and answering emails...sometimes that black dog just takes a bite when you least expect it. This was that kind of weekend. Bring on the Kettle Chips!!

So- I ruminated over all the people I knew, people whose opinions seemed to matter more than my own. Why is it that other people think they know us better than we know ourselves??

I had a tough time with balance and with my ability to focus. In fact, I toppled over a few times-luckily I was at home, so I didn't topple very far. That depressed me, too. Everything and everyone depressed me!!

This morning I really spent some constructive time ruminating. I think that if you ruminate and get something positive out of it, the process can be positive, rather than negative and destructive.

My conclusion: I can tell myself (and have other people tell me) to get a grip, to get up and do something, to get out of the house-and when I am really down, that doesn't help at all. It is better for me to understand that I have days like these last few, where I am so down I am unable to do anything- so just do the mindfulness thing of observing, and understanding that these moods are only temporary, they will not last forever...and THEN tell myself to get up and do something, even if it is only to get outside and take a walk. I am supposed to walk. A lot. So just ignore the moods and do it.

Accepting that things might not ever get better has been very, very difficult. I tend to just keep on going, and I am determined to do better-a lot better. So-I feel like I let myself down by not doing all the things I meant to do over the weekend. Perhaps I need to have a good close look at my attitude!!

I remember one of my favorite songs by Billy Joel: Only the Good Die Young. I've decided that I want to live to at least 90- providing, of course, that I am completely healthy in both body and mind!! No senility for me, and no being dependent on anyone else to do everything for me! Been there, done that!! Not ever again. So I will be 90, and riding my Harley Davidson at top speed down the Pacific Coast Highway (if it still exists by then, of course), enjoying the wind in my face, and then just keel over. That's it, bang, just like that.

Until then there are still Kettle Chips.